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What To Do If He Tells You He Wants Space - This!
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What To Do If He Tells You He Wants Space  -  This!

Are you guilty of "mothering" your boyfriend? Are you always asking him where he's been and who he's with? Do you smother him with affection or try to get him to cuddle you when he's in the middle of something else? If your answer was "no, of course not" you may want to reconsider things from a different point of view - his. While perception isn't always a reliable source to determine reality, it is an important factor in how he sees things and if he's feeling overwhelmed or smothered he may give you the dreaded speech that no woman wants to hear.

"I'm sorry, but I just think I need a break…"

You're not alone. Allowing individual autonomy within a relationship is not something that comes easy to a lot of women. It's their way of establishing a foothold in the relationship and "claiming their territory". The problem is that it can be misconstrued and if your boyfriend is suddenly asking for space you might be faced with a problem. Before you disintegrate into emotional soup and say whatever comes to mind, you need to at least attempt to maintain your composure - or risk having the entire situation turn into a breakup of epic proportions.

Separation Anxiety - First Plan of Attack

Every instinct in your body is compelling you to stop this situation from happening. You don't want it, you never wanted it and you want your happy little relationship back all packaged in a nice box with a pretty little bow on top. Don't succumb to the urge. Take a moment to remember how this all started. If your boyfriend felt like you were constantly looking over his shoulder to the point that he couldn't get any breathing room at all, how is doing exactly that going to help you? Plain and simple, it's not. If you continue on the way that you've been going or get worse, you're dooming yourself to fail before you even begin. Unless you want to push him out of your life for good, you need to take a few giant leaps backwards and give him some air.

That doesn't mean that you're completely helpless - not at all. There are ways to repair these scenarios without shooting yourself in the foot in the process.

Before a break can be established, it needs to be defined and this should not rest solely on your ex' shoulders. If possible, he'll take the chance and run with it and set no rules or limitations for himself while placing you in a pretty little box of constraints that make it almost impossible to move. That's not to say that he should be given a laundry list of things you expect him to abide by - he's under no obligation to agree to anything. Set some rules for yourself, instead and decide how far is too far before you're faced with the reality that it's happened and you have to make a tough decision on the spot.

Let Him Have It

No, that doesn't mean that you have permission to go off in a fit of rage and give your new ex a piece of your mind. Simply speaking you need to give him the space that he claimed to need when this whole thing started. As hard as it seems at first you have to distance yourself entirely from him and your former relationship. That means no texting at 2 am when you can't sleep. That doesn't mean stalking him from pay phones and hanging up when he answers. You should not be making contact at all for now - and if he makes an effort to get in touch with you, it should be ignored. That means delete it and don't cling to it as a good sign.

Once you've removed yourself from the situation your ex will start to realize that something is missing. Not only is there something missing but that something is you. For all the things that drove him crazy he still cared for you - and probably took a lot of things you did for him for granted. Suddenly he's left on his own and he has to fend for himself - and he's not prepared to face that.

If he was ready to head off into the sunset and leave you behind for good, he would have ended the relationship. He wasn't being entirely honest with you, though - space is not what he was after. He wanted to see what life was like without a girlfriend constantly on his arm - or maybe he wanted to experiment with someone new. He has given himself a built-in safety cushion. If things don't pan out, he can always go back to the girl he left behind. If they do work out he can simply turn the break into a breakup and be done with it. How long the break lasts is essentially up to you.

Shifting Tides - Planting Doubt and Reinforcing Interest

You may think that you're powerless because nothing about this situation was your idea and you have no idea how to get him interested in you again - if you did it never would have happened in the first place, right? Not necessarily. Look at it this way - as long as you go along with everything he decides you're enabling his behavior. Since you're following along blindly he will have absolutely no reason to reconsider whether he misses you or not. He thinks he can get his fill of you whenever necessary and then take off in another direction for as long as he wants. That's why you need to take action in a completely different direction to get him back.

In order to be interested in a relationship with you again, your ex needs to understand that you're no longer playing his game - at least not in the way he expected. You're not sitting at home crying your eyes out and wishing that he'd stop by. If you are, you shouldn't be. Get out there and do something about it!

Not only did you remove all contact (and you did stop texting, didn't you?) but now you're enjoying yourself again. You're reconnecting with some old friends and possibly meeting new people along the way. You're recognizing that despite what your ex thinks you are attractive and you can still capture people's attention.

When he realizes that he's not the only one that noticed you initially and that he may have some competition it will start to sink in - if he keeps this selfish act going he's going to really lose you. His time is limited and if he wants to avoid losing you for good, he'll need to reconsider his position - and he'll need to do it quickly.

Having a flexible yet set plan in place can take the smallest chance and turn it into reality. You can't afford to press your luck by acting impulsively. It's time to get smart about things and look out for your own best interest by being prepared for whatever life throws your way.

Your Next Steps

Your work doesn't stop here. You will need to make him miss you if you are to stand any chance of success. If he doesn't miss you in his life he will not be moved to do anything about it. A key way to do this is through no contact with ex boyfriend. Get these strategies right and the break will not last long because he will beg to get back with you.

Interested in knowing how he really feels about you? Read the signs he still loves you and you will know exactly where you stand.

Street Talk

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