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When Forgiving And Forgetting Is Not An Option: Marriages Destroyed Beyond Repair
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When Forgiving And Forgetting is Not An Option: Marriages Destroyed Beyond Repair

To forgive or not to forgive, in marriage it can be the final question. Most people are sure that they would feel one way or another about potentially marriage destroying things like adultery or addiction but when they are faced with it as a reality may react in a wholly opposite way. No matter what your faith or your upbringing may say about the sanctity of marriage, when you find that your trust has been betrayed, it may not always be so easy to forgive and forget. Not all marriages can be saved after certain issues.

One of the first things that you have to consider is whether you can actually move past what has happened. If you were cheated on, will you be able to watch your spouse walk out the door without the sickening sense of suspicion and dread eating at you every day? If they cheated while they were at work or worse, with a coworker, can you really watch them go to work every day without wondering every minute that they are away? If you cannot accept the bad behavior, whatever it might have been without reverting back to the high school days of stalking and sneaking around to "catch them" at something, then the marriage may not be salvageable. You cannot live with the constant sense of impending doom anymore than they can live with the constant questioning and checking up on their story. If you are trying to move past it, then it is important that you actually move past it.

Cheating is not the only thing that can break a marriage. Things like drug and alcohol addiction, money issues and even a difference in how you raise a child can be a major stumbling block for a marriage. While you want to be supportive of your spouse, there comes a point when staying with them can be a danger to your health and safety and may cost you more than just your home and finances.

A drug addict, for example may get so far into their use that they put their family members at risk from vindictive pushers and may even put them in the middle of a drug bust. Do you want to risk being arrested because your spouse will not accept the help that is offered to them? Is your marriage worth a criminal conviction? Your choice to stay or not to stay should be one that is well thought out with every angle considered before you decide.


Street Talk

Hello Amie: It's all very tough but that's why we're not supposed to start any of our days without GODS guidance with the holy spirit. the Holy spirit is strong where we are weak (the flesh). We as sinners in the flesh couldn't possibly comprehend even a small fraction of the power of the spirit. All the things that you describe in your article are things far beyond anything that the flesh could ever handle or repair. We just don't have it in us. It's one reason why we need GOD in our lives every single day. The things you talk about above are but a small fraction of the things that I've witnessed people go through and come out loving each other a hundred times stronger than ever before. Seeing things through the holy spirit is nothing compared to seeing them through the eyes of man. Thanks, great article Don

Reply
  about 9 years ago

Good advice for those who believe in god, however there are many who do not. Which is why they have to realize that sometimes you cannot simply say I forgive you and move past. For those people who try to stay in a marriage that is irretrievably damaged, the mental cost is often very high. Sometimes it is best to end things and walk away, regardless.

Reply
  about 9 years ago
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