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Why Is My Ex Being A Jerk? - Nothing Is The Way It Seems
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Why Is My Ex Being A Jerk?  -  Nothing Is The Way It Seems

Since the breakup and maybe even a little before, your ex has done a 180 from the kind, gentle and sweet guy that you thought you knew. If he was Dr. Jekyll, he is now Mr. Hyde and he's acting like a monster. You want to know why. He's nothing like the guy that used to spend his time protecting you from scary movies or rubbing your feet after a long day at the office.

He's cruel, spiteful and vindictive and it all seemed to come out of nowhere. He's being deliberately disrespectful and treating you in a way that you never imagined was possible. He seems to be intent on hurting you as much as possible and is lashing out every time you turn around. You know that you can't continue this way, but it's difficult to understand where all this anger came from. If you want him to stop his destructive and mean-spirited behavior, you first have to understand why he's acting this way in the first place.

He's Being Defensive

There can be a plethora of reasons for a guy to act like a jerk. Some guys are probably just born that way, and they've gotten away with their behavior all their lives. Some girls like a "bad guy" at first, but that kind of disrespect gets old quickly. Chances are your guy was nothing like this when you first met. He was sweet and compassionate and was genuinely concerned about you - nothing like the guy who was just screaming at you for half an hour. For a lot of guys, acting like a jerk is a defense mechanism that they think prevents them from further pain. Putting up an emotional wall is one way that he can guarantee that you won't get close to him again - and therefore you can't hurt him anymore. This is not always a conscious decision. Your guy didn't wake up one morning, roll out of bed and decide to act like a jerk. It was probably a subconscious, natural reaction to negative emotion and he didn't even realize that it was happening.

Seeing you can be extremely painful for him, especially if he still has unresolved feelings for you. Your relationship is over, and he is not quite sure how to deal with that reality and get past it. He was probably picturing the future with you in it just like you were, and now that future is shot. Accepting the reality of that situation can be a hard one to face and this is one way that comes out. No, it's not fair and it's not right for him to treat you disrespectfully. Realize that he may not realize what's happening or what effect his behavior has on you. Emotions can be a very overwhelming thing - especially for guys who are unused to dealing with them regularly.

He's Feeling Hurt

If you decided to end the relationship or you were unfaithful to him, the pain might be more than he feels he can stand at this moment. He feels betrayed and rejected and that's hard for any guy to take. You damaged his ego, and he's trying to process his feelings towards it. If he's acting like he can't stand you or that he hates you, he probably still has feelings towards you, and is unsure of what to do with them. The line between love and hate is extraordinarily narrow.

His behavior is a negative manifestation of his pain and hurt, and the best thing you can do for both of you is to give him some space. Give both of you some space. Consider the possibility of cutting off contact with him for a while. You both could probably use a break, and a cool-down period is in order to settle some of these negative feelings. Don't make yourself available to be his verbal punching bag, even if the breakup was your choice or your fault. No one deserves to be verbally or emotionally pummeled for making a decision. Your absence may cause him to realize how much he truly does miss you, and how much he valued your presence in his life. Giving him the opportunity to settle down can be beneficial for you both, and it allows both of you the chance to face your feelings and deal with them productively instead of in ways that are harmful to you both.

Remember that people will treat you the way that you allow them to. If he realizes that he can get away with being disrespectful simply because you feel guilty, he will continue to do so, and his behavior will probably be worse. Patterns of behavior are established over time, and if he knows how to push your buttons he won't stop. Don't allow him to treat you badly. Don't let him get away with being disrespectful just because you ended the relationship. Set your own boundaries with the kind of behavior that you consider to be unacceptable and make those boundaries known to him. Then it is up to you to be consistent and enforce those boundaries. If he still won't listen, it's time to walk away.

The Next Step

Regardless of his negativity now, there are ways to make him realize how much of a jerk he's been and make him want you back. Getting an inside look at the male psyche is a valuable tool to realize what makes him tick and understanding the reasons behind his behavior. You need to take control back and make him chase you instead. If you want to get him back then that is a good way to approach it.

You can quickly turn the entire situation around and make him see the error of his ways. Before long, you can have him running after you. Simply making him miss you can be a powerful technique to getting your guy back. You just have to understand how his mind works before you can put these tools into practice. Not only is it possible to turn the situation around and get your relationship back - but it's extremely likely if you play your cards right.

Street Talk

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