This Article is About
abusive relationship
hearts and flowers
hell on earth
obstacle course
emotional abuse
sweet words
possessions
family and friends
stupidity
Why Stay In An Abusive Relationship?
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Why Stay In An Abusive Relationship?

There is no question that the vilest and most despicable situation is the abusive relationship, be it physical or psychological. The abuser is usually the husband, although we're seeing more and more wives now bullying their husbands, but usually psychologically.

There's the obvious question. Why stay in an abusive relationship? Let's look at the emotional abuse first.

The marriage starts off with all hearts and flowers and for a time, everything's wonderful. Your partner can't do enough for you, showers you with presents, makes sweet tender love to you and so on.

Now, briefly, let's look at cults. The cult will lure its prospective members in with sweet words of promise. Once they join, they say, all their troubles will melt away and they'll be shown 'the path to eternal happiness'. Wonderful, they think. So they join. But once in, they're completely cut off from family and friends, that's one of the conditions.

"Oh, didn't we tell you? Yes, there's that little question of money, too. No, not just a bit. After all, we're feeding and clothing you, so we need all your money and possessions."

How like the abuser in a relationship. You're discouraged from visiting your parents, even telephoning them. You want to go out for an evening with the girls? "Why? Isn't my company good enough for you?"

"Look, by the time I come home in the evening, I expect all the children's toys to be picked up and put away. I do not expect to run an obstacle course."

He mentioned months ago that he wasn't keen on cabbage, but one night you cook nice stuffed cabbage.

"What the hell do you call this? You know perfectly well that I can't stand cabbage. Then why give it to me?"

"My God, you're a stupid woman. This bill hasn't been paid. You're late paying this one. Your stupidity is only exceeded by your vast stomach," and on and on it goes. The weekdays aren't quite so bad. At least he goes to work then, but the weekends are a hell on earth. So why stay in an abusive relationship?

All this happens over a period, of course. It doesn't happen suddenly, which makes it all the more insidious. It may start out with;

"Hey, love, you forgot the garbage." Something as simple and potentially harmless as that.

But from there, it grows tentacles, becoming slowly worse and worse. Like our friends in the cult, now you're stuck. One day, you explode.

"I simply can't take anymore. I'm leaving you," you say, putting on your coat.

"Oh darling please, no, what will I do without you. You're my world. If I've been upsetting you, I'm desperately sorry. It won't happen again."

So off comes your coat, you unpack and naively think that you've given him enough of a shock to bring him to his senses.

"Why don't we have your parents over for dinner next week?" He asks.

They come over and you all have a marvellous evening. He's back to the way he was, cracking jokes, keeping the conversation running happily along. Your mother joins you in the kitchen, while he stays with your father.

"I don't like it, dear," says mother. "Why, after all this time of no contact are we suddenly invited to dinner?"

"Oh Mother, he's changed. I know he has."

No sooner has the front door shut behind them, than; "My God, what a pair of old crows. You owe me for this, I can tell you."

Unwittingly, you've laid the groundwork for another round of abuse.


Street Talk

  

Thank you very much Kevin, for your kind comments. The problem, I think, is that the wife still oves the man she marries, and makes the awful mistake of trying to change him. Many thanks again, Mike

Reply
  about 1 decade ago

I have a hard time understanding why folks stay in abusive relationships...especially when there are children involved...good article Mike

Reply
  about 1 decade ago
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