Imagine having a boyfriend that is not giving you the attention you deserve. You really want him to pay attention to you! What are your choices?
The first thing that comes to mind is you can bat those baby blues! Don't just blink. Be sure that you do it suggestively! Oh, and be sure to make eye contact with your boyfriend at the time!
If this doesn't do the trick. It time to take it up a notch. Go change into his favorite outfit. You know the one! He will thank you in ways you can't imagine!
Is he still staring at the tube? Need more ammunition? Time to cook his favorite meal. But this time do it with flare! Take your cue from Hooters and serve him his dinner topless!
Don't tell me! He is scarfing down dinner and hasn't even looked in your direction. I am beginning to think he is from another planet!
Enough is enough! It is time to pull out all the stops! Here's what you do.
- Put you clothes back on.
- Grab your keys
- Drive to the nearest store
- Purchase a bottle of Visine
- Repeat steps 3 and 4 until you have at least 5 bottles of Visine in your possession
- Note to readers: I am KIDDING! Do Not Do This!
Now in order to get your boyfriends attention, you will need to add a few drops to every drink you take to him.
Be sure to taint his water bottles that he takes to the gym as well. His morning coffee will need to be doctored as well and any other drink you can possibly think of.
These drops will ensure that he will pay more attention to you! You will know it's working because he will exhibit the following symptoms:
- Lowered blood pressure
- Difficulty breathing
- Blurred vision
- Nausea and vomiting
- Seizures and trembling
- Coma and possible death
Again, I am not suggesting that you ACTUALLY go and do this, unless your name is Vicki Jo Mills, of course! Now Vicki has admitted to poisoning her boyfriend with Visine. I bet you can guess what her reasoning was. Oh yeah, she wanted him to pay more attention to her!
Sadly this is not the first time someone has done this. Four years ago a cosmetology student poisoned her instructor using the same method.
Sounds awfully familiar to me. Like I have seen this on television before. Oh yes, I remember now! It was an episode of CSI.
Let's go back to the very beginning here. Yes, you remember when I asked you what your choices were to get your boyfriends attention? I would definitely stick with the showing the skin part. Even if it means getting between him and that damn television. Jump up and down if you have to! Just be sure to be naked when you do it. If that doesn't get his attention, it's time to find a new boyfriend! This option will save taxpayers money because you will stay out of jail!
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