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I'm So Insecure Because I'm So Afraid Of Losing Him
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I\'m So Insecure Because I\'m So Afraid Of Losing Him

Has a friend ever admitted to you, or you yourself thought;

"I'm so insecure because I'm so afraid of losing him/her?"

You may have been badly hurt in your last relationship by someone who cheated on you, lied to you and eventually you found that they were indeed running around with a number of other people.

"That's it," you say. "Once bitten, twice shy."

For a long time, you don't want anything to do with the opposite sex. Then one day, the almost inevitable happens. You meet someone and before you know it, you're head over heels in love again. The first few blissful days and weeks pass in a haze of happiness.

Let's give you names. You're Susan and he's Frank. You seem to fall deeper and deeper in love with Frank, and it seems to be reciprocated. You decide to surprise Frank one afternoon, and meet him when he leaves his office. But horror of horrors, you see he's talking to another woman.

How can he do this to you? You were sure he loved you, and your imagination runs completely riot. When he finally sees you, he waves happily to you, parts from the woman to whom he's been talking, and comes straight over. He kisses you, says what a lovely surprise it is to see you, but the first thing you do is to ask accusingly who that other woman was.

He laughs, not understanding that you're suspicious, and tells you that she was very kind to him during his divorce. She's rather older than he is, happily married, and he knows her husband well. He turns to you suddenly and says;

"Surely you're not jealous, are you?"

You realize you've been a bit foolish and assure him you're not. Everything carries on wonderfully for a few more weeks, until he tells you that he must go out one evening next week to a meeting. Immediately, your antennae are up, searching for things he might be doing. At the same time, you realize that if you carry on like this, you'll drive him away with your jealousy.

The problem is that you're terrified of losing him. You've come to love him a very great deal, and you can't imagine life without him. What are you going to do? Just sit there and wait for the other shoe to drop, which you've convinced yourself it will. But why should it? This is where you must keep a very tight rein on your imagination, and where imagination may be so dangerous.

Things like; 'Who was he talking to on the phone when I came in the other day?' 'What did he mean by that remark?' The awful thing about all this is that you risk driving away the one person you dearly love. If you keep on monitoring him every move and ask suspiciously about telephone calls, he's going to think he's living in a police state. He won't risk doing anything, for fear of starting you off on a KGB type interrogation.

The other problem is not feeling good enough. He's chosen to be with you, hasn't he? So you can forget that.

Finally, your insecurity can reach such a parlous state, that you're very tempted to end the relationship yourself, before he does. After all, you're convinced he will, and it's better for you to end it, than to suffer the awful pain of being rejected yourself.

Do you think that this makes any sense at all?

Street Talk

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