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Leftee/lefter? Doesnt Matter, Why Do You Want To Get Back With An Ex?
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Dear Readers,

I have been reading some articles about “how to get an “ex” back; how to make them want you back; what to do to regain their love” and so on. And, truly, I am making an effort here, both intellectual and emotional, to understand why someone would want his/her “ex” back. Here is my question to you, WHY on earth do you want an “ex” back? What is so compelling about digging yourself into trying to be with him/her again? (even worse when/if there is any kind of abuse and neglect). But, whether you are the one who left or the one left behind (and yes, I have been on both sides), the relationship did not work for a reason (or several reasons) right? So here are some thoughts to ponder:

If you are the one left behind (I call this person the “leftee”):

Don’t flagellate yourself. …“Don’t WHAT??? That is a term for those of us who are (were) catholic. OK, so please tell me again, WHY do you want to be with someone who DOESN’T WANT you? He/she left you. It doesn’t matter if you consider the reason he/she left you was fair or unfair. They left. Don’t be a masochist. If you have been trying to get back for a while, every time you attempt to get back and she/he rejects you, think about how that makes you feel. I bet it doesn’t feel that good. So again, why do you want to make yourself suffer?

Do find yourself. If you think it was YOUR fault that your “ex” left, then do some serious soul-searching to analyze WHY he/she left and WHAT can you do to change. NOT for them, but for you. For your own benefit and your future relationships. Learn to avoid the same mistakes. I think one of the worse things in life is to live through an experience and learn nothing from it!

Don’t devalue yourself. This is a point that I think it’s the worse about being the “leftee.” It is more than a slap to the face, and worse than a knife to your chest, is it not? When some one leaves you, they are expressing, whether directly or indirectly, that you are useless, worthless, the bottom of the barrel; that you were (are) not worthy of their love, care, admiration, time, and all other nice things you can think of. When some one makes you feel like that, it crushes your self-esteem. I know it is very difficult to do, but instead of thinking or believing you are not worth it, think about all the good attributes, things, qualities that you DO possess. Focus on them. If nothing else, prove to yourself that you are VALUABLE.

Do invest in yourself and those who STILL love you. Aside all the emotional pain that is caused when someone leaves you, there are people around you who need you and want you, starting with your own self. Forget that person. There are millions, yes millions of people out there who are potential partners for you. And there are millions of things that you can turn your attention to distract your mind.

If you are the one who left (I call this one the “lefter”):

Obviously, you left for a reason (s). Of course, you are entitled to have a change of heart/mind. All of us are. But, if you realized you made a big mistake and left someone whom you are dying to get back with, you also need to do some serious thinking. Consider what it is that made you left in the first place; was it something lacking in the situation, relationship, or partner? Did you find something or someone else who fulfilled your needs better? If you already changed your mind once, couldn’t you change it again? Why do you think that would be fair to your partner? How do you plan to make amends? You are going to have to work really hard to regain trust.

Were you “straight up, bottoms up?” I hope that at least you were honest and direct with the person you left. There is nothing worse for the person that is left behind than to feel not only abandoned, sad, confused, and angry but also betrayed and honestly shocked because they “had no idea” why you left or because your explanations/justifications were so vague or the lack thereof.

“LEFTEE OR LEFTER”

Whether you are the “leftee or lefter,” let us think for a moment that your heart’s desire becomes a reality and he/she does take you back, so then, what is the next step? Things will never be “the same.” Once trust has been broken, it takes a lot of work, communication, healing, and time to be invested into “fixing what has been broken.” Are you willing to invest a lot of energy? Do you really want to do so? Would you not be always wondering if he/she will leave you again? If you already left once, couldn’t’ you leave again? Why would you want to live like that? If your answer is still “doesn’t matter, I want to get back with him/her” then make sure you take these following steps:

1. Forgive and Forget Be aware, once you have made the decision to get back with your “ex” or take some one back, you have to forgive and/or forget. If you are the “leftee,” it would not be fair to you or your partner to constantly be thinking and/or bring up that they left before, why they left, reminding them how that made you feel and that it was mean. By the same token, if you are the “lefter” you cannot expect the other person to not be doubtful at times, not fully convinced, feel uneasy, and even suspicious of your actions. It takes time to forget and/or forgive. But again, if you think you can forgive and forget, it means you are committed to make it work, right?

2. Take time to “fix” yourself.” If you keep telling yourself “there is nothing wrong with me,” I’m here to tell you that all of us have things that are wrong with ourselves! But there is hope; we can change. How do we change? I consider that there is great value in spending time knowing yourself better. You are the one who can take control of yourself, your actions, and your choices. You can look deep within yourself and reflect on what kind of person and partner you want to be and/or become and what you can change about yourself and your surroundings.

3. Communicate. Communication is at the center of all human-relations, is it not? Every aspect in our lives requires communication Getting back with an “ex” is not an exception. You and your “ex-partner-who-is-your-partner-again” need to spend time talking, sharing, healing. You both need to let each other know their expectations about the relationship and each other, the fears, and the desires and hopes. Listen to each other. Value and understand each other’s perspective.

4. Don’t say “I didn’t tell you so.” Ok, I hate to ask you, but once you two are back together, don't you think it is going to be very, very difficult to maintain a relationship with "your now-partner-ex-partner? It is certainly not impossible but it is very probable that it won’t happen UNLESS you two are absolutely and 100% committed to overcome the past.

Best Regards,

Maya


Street Talk

preciouso  

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Reply
  about 9 years ago
preciouso  

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Reply
  about 9 years ago

HI AM JULIO DA Sanchez’s, Am from Madrid Spain . with this great tears of joy and happiness in my heart today I want to give an unlimited thanks to this man Called DR ABULU of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo. com and also share my testimonies with this great man on how I was able to get my husband and my kids back to my arms once again after two years and after I thought all hope was lost in getting back my family .well and happy today I have my family back and I want to say to the whole world what would I have done if not for DR ABULU that I saw a testimony share on the internet by miss MICHELL FROM AUSTRALIA and I also contacted this man for help and he also did my own for me and to day am back with my husband |ALONSO DA SANCHEZ,S and my kids are happy with us . so I want to am very happy today and I want to say to everyone on this site that I will always remain thankful to this man DR ABULU of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo. com for all this he has done for me, thanks to you once again DR for am grateful to you and will always be

Reply
  about 1 decade ago

HI AM JULIO DA Sanchez’s, Am from Madrid Spain . with this great tears of joy and happiness in my heart today I want to give an unlimited thanks to this man Called DR ABULU of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo. com and also share my testimonies with this great man on how I was able to get my husband and my kids back to my arms once again after two years and after I thought all hope was lost in getting back my family .well and happy today I have my family back and I want to say to the whole world what would I have done if not for DR ABULU that I saw a testimony share on the internet by miss MICHELL FROM AUSTRALIA and I also contacted this man for help and he also did my own for me and to day am back with my husband |ALONSO DA SANCHEZ,S and my kids are happy with us . so I want to am very happy today and I want to say to everyone on this site that I will always remain thankful to this man DR ABULU of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo. com for all this he has done for me, thanks to you once again DR for am grateful to you and will always be

Reply
  about 1 decade ago
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