Just like any other type of dating, with online dating their are “phases” of communication. First, you might get an instant message or a “wink” from someone. Most likely then you’ll move on to e-mails. In all likelihood before you set up a firm first date you might decide to chat on the phone. This phase of online dating can be nerve wrecking at first, but you’ll need to get comfortable with it if you are to experience the success you want at online dating.

So keep in mind that emails and instant messages are only good for a short period of time. You will need to take it to the next level at some point. You can't always wait for the other person to make the next move. If you make the mistake of waiting too long, you are likely to lose out on the opportunity for a growing relationship altogether. Also, the longer you communicate via e-mail and chat, the longer you have to form an idea of a person in your mind, probably embellishing the parts you like and unknowingly squeezing them into your idea of a “perfect date”. That will lead to a letdown in the long run.

Virtual relationships are good, but you need to start making the move towards the real world before too long. So what are the critical factors you should keep in mind when making that first call?

First, set yourself up for success by making sure you are prepared and that you have adequate alone time for the call. No one wants you to call them while you’re driving, sitting on a train or hear you yelling at your kids to leave you alone. As well as sending the message that the call was not a priority, you will no doubt already be a little anxious and you don’t need to add this extra level of stress.

Trust your instincts. If you feel that it is time to someone a call, thenit is time. After you have spent some time talking back and forth and find that you are interested in getting to know this person,send them an email asking for their phone number and permission to give them a call.

Try and keep as relaxed as possible. Don’t think of this first call as an interview, but as if you are catching up with an old friend. Keep the tone and the topics upbeat and positive. This is not the time to share your sob story of how you ended up on an online dating site and how you hate it. Also, do not state that you have long term relationship goals. Your short term goal here is to get your potential date to commit to coffee or a casual first date, nothing more.

It also helps to reduce your expectations. Of course you are excited about meeting someone new but if you expect too much to happen during the first conversation it will make it harder for you to relax and be yourself.

Remember, if the conversation is starting to lag, compliments work magic on people. You want to make sure that people feel good about themselves when talking to you. For instance you could say something like “I thought your profile was really interesting. You have a talent for writing!” Compliments always bring a smile as long as they are in good taste, sincere and kept to just a few.

If you are really nervous about being tongue tied you could make yourself a cheat sheet. List some of the important points from the other person's profile that you liked so that you can quickly refer to them. Maybe a list of questions to ask the other person, to take the pressure off you doing the talking.

So these are some great tips to keep in mind when making your first phone call. Remember, virtual relationships can be fun, but I’m guessing you joined an online dating service and spent all that time writing a killer online dating profile so that you could have a relationship in the real world. The dreaded first phone call is a big part of online dating success. So make sure you are prepared and try and relax and have fun. Good luck!