If you are dating and have a history of bad relationships, you have probably asked yourself the question "why do I attract jerks?". Maybe you have even reached the point where you believe that all men are jerks and that there are no good good men left out there for you.
The main reason that you are asking yourself why do I attract jerks is likely to relate to your own level of self esteem and confidence.
A look at a line from the popular movie Jerry McGuire can shed some insight into this. Tom Cruise's "You Complete Me" line sounds sounds so romantic on the surface. But in real life "you complete me" means that you NEED another person to make you whole. This position of neediness is like blood in the water for men who prey on emotionally needy women. A position of neediness is probably one of the main reasons you are asking yourself "why do I attract jerks?"
Are you looking for love in the clubs and bars? Do you have a tendency to turn every smiling male face you encounter into an imaginary life partner? Are you hoping that every man you meet will turn out to be Mr. Right? These attitudes all send subconscious signals of neediness. Men who like to take advantage of needy women; ie. Jerks, can hone in on this just like a predator is drawn to easy prey.
What is the solution to the "why do I attract jerks" question?
Become a "complete" woman who is looking for a partner to "complement" her already complete being, rather than an incomplete woman looking for the guy that can make her whole. That person does not exist. And the "quality" men that most women desire are often repelled by neediness and "clingy" women.
How do you accomplish this?
By spending some time being single and finding out what makes you happy. For many this is no easy task but by finding out what makes you happy you will become comfortable being you and realize that you are complete without a man. The self confidence this creates will be very attractive to quality men.
Explore your feelings and find out what makes you tick. Then take action on those likes/activities
Are you a wine aficionado? Go to some wine tastings.
Enjoy Yoga? Take a yoga class.
Toastmasters is an excellent organization that teaches people how to speak publicly. The ability to speak in front of a group bolsters self confidence and that is extremely attractive to quality men.
One important thing to remember as you join groups or attend activities is to start out by going alone.
This is because by immersing yourself in activities that interest you, you will be placing yourself in situations where you can meet quality men with similar interests. As a man, I can tell you that as a rule men do not like and are often intimidated by approaching a group of women to express interest in one of that group. The potential for rejection by one member of the group causing embarrassment is too much for most men to bear. Likewise, being in a social setting with a platonic male friend will prevent you from being approached because you will appear taken. It will also cause available men to avoid contact because they may be worried about starting a fight with a jealous boyfriend.
Another great exercise to help you avoid jerks is to develop a "perfect guy quiz" to define the traits that you are looking for in your perfect man. This will help you get clear about who you are looking for and weed out the jerks by focusing on qualities that are important to you.
There is more and more information every day about finding a quality man and keeping him interested. Arm yourself with it and get out there, get out of the jerk rut and find the perfect guy for you.
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