This Article is About
losing a child
gentle man
wonderful family
platitudes
blossoms
car accident
guardians
kindness
sadness
Losing A Child; A Loss To All Parents
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Losing A Child; A Loss to All Parents

Last month a wonderful family lost their son in a car accident. He was only 19. Why do we always say ‘only’ in these circumstances? I’m sure it’s because we all know there ‘should’ be so much more to life. Loving, experiencing, growing, doing, being…. now all gone.

I didn’t know the young man personally as his father was my reiki practitioner. Logic told me to stay away and logic told me to call for an appointment. My son was having neck problems and I knew this deeply caring and gentle man would want to help despite his personal tragedy. His greatest care is to help children.

As we drove there, my three chattering children in the car, I silently prayed for universal guidance. “Help me to be wise and say the right thing”. I’m sure the family have heard enough of the stock standard, but well meaning, platitudes that we all resort to when we don’t know what else to say and do.

My thoughts: “Spare me from asking if he’s OK, of course they’re not”, and “Is it OK to say I’m sorry if I also acknowledge it’s not enough?”

And the overriding thought: “Don’t stand at my grave and weep, I am not here I do not sleep”.

We settled on the floor together, this dignified father and I. This man who had been robbed of his legs' use as a child from polio. Sadness is in his eyes and kindness in his manner. My children strangely close and quiet and me acutely aware that I still have my sons with me.

I tell him of my thought that has stayed with me all week since first hearing of this young mans tragic death. This father smiles kindly and says “We read that at his funeral”. I’m crying now and apologizing that I should be the one to offer comfort to which he answers simply “But you are a mother”.

And this is really the crux of it. When we become a mother, or a father, we become the guardians of every child.

We understand the tender love when that little life first blossoms in our consciousness.

We understand the pride, the hopes, the unconditional love that most every parent has for their own little one. A life entrusted to their care.

We know the silent promise to protect this person with our very life forever.

And so we share the joys of parenthood with the world. We share the tragedies. And we understand why the angels in heaven rejoice over our victories and cry for our frailty.

Surely, children are the world’s hope for unity and the universes blessing of peace.


Street Talk

What a great article. Thank you.

Reply
  about 7 years ago
C4rmen  

extraordinary and deeply intense circumstance. thank you for sharing so that we can send them love x

Reply
  about 7 years ago
Joan S  

I am so sorry for their loss Heather. The human spirit is resilient. Somehow, they'll get through it. The pain of losing a child has to be the worst pain of all. I will pray for the family.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

Thank you for your kindness Joan.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

Maybe this is what is behind knowing "We are All One". This ripping at our heart when another Heart is Injured. A person I do not know, in a place I do not know, from a friend I do not know... and I sit and cry and my heart breaks for them. And through your action of the telling, we send our love...

Reply
  about 7 years ago

This family, of all the families I know, will feel the universal love. Thank you Sherry.

Reply
  about 7 years ago
AJ  

Parents should die before the child, not the other way around. How sad for this family. You wrote another beautiful article which truly got the emotions of this situation across. Well done, Heather.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

Thank you for your kind comment AJ.

Reply
  about 7 years ago
C. Hughes  

Can you like something more than once. If I can I will. Wait a sec while I dry my eyes. Apparently I'm a parent too. Thanks for your poignant perspective.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

Yes, dad, that means you are.... ;-)

Reply
  about 7 years ago
Al4256  

Any article that can make one feel something is a good article Heather.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

Thanks Al4256. It's an emotional topic.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

Heather how tragic, why is it so difficult to know what to say, if you where in the parents position, what would you want? I have often said nothing as I would probably break myself. But I have found a hug, one with meaning is often all that is needed. I would rather have that than a word. A hug can mean so many words that the voice unable to say. Think about it, some one just takes you in their arms and hugs you. Warmth, love and understanding all in one heart felt hug. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's all I can get out and even men seem to feel good after. I still maintain children bury their parents, I would hate if I had to bury one of my children.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

You're absolutely right. It's so out of the order of things...

Reply
  about 7 years ago
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