This Article is About
car accidents
many marriages
harms way
young person
car accident
outsider
sadness
family and friends
patience
hearts
When Death Is Wrong
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When Death Is Wrong

Nobody likes to hear there has been a death in a family. We can all relate to the fact that the family and friends of that person are grieving. An immense and unfillable hole has been left in the hearts of many people.

When it is a young person it takes the wind out of your sails. The heart sinks because, even as an outsider, it is very easy to relate to the pain even if we haven’t experienced it personally.

I have just received news of a 19 year old that has died in a car accident just this weekend past. I didn’t know him. I know his father and I know what it is to be a parent. This is enough to cause heaviness in my chest and a sympathetic grief in my heart.

When any of us becomes a parent I think a small part of us becomes a parent to the whole world of children. We understand for the first time what it is to love someone unconditionally. To love so much that we put their needs before ours without thought. We would throw our very life in harms way if it meant protecting them from the smallest of hurts.

That’s the love of a parent. That’s what parents do.

Children, generally, who may have previously been annoying or noisy little beings, become magnificent little souls that we can relate are the pride and universe of another parent.

It’s a joy to be with them and it expands tolerance and patience as we begin to understand how greatly their parents love these little people. Each child becomes precious.

I have known several children who have died in their youth. Car accidents, suicide, illness, and even a suspected murder that remains a mystery.

Each death is a tragedy. Not just for the loss of life, but also for the loss of a child.

Quite frankly, to lose a child is just out of the order of things. It is a hard thing to comprehend and accept. When a grandparent, parent or other older person dies it somehow seems more manageable.

Many marriages don’t survive the loss of a child. It’s a double tragedy when this is the case. Sadness and loss disguise themselves as many destructive forces though; anger, blame, guilt, hurt, silence, broodiness.

When a parent drowns in these impossibly large emotions it is understandable that relationships strain.

I wish I knew what to say or how to make the experience easier for the grieving family. To make suggestions would be to imply that every situation is the same and there’s a simple formula to make it OK.

Perhaps from the outside we can remember that actions speak louder than words and the best thing to say is “I remember them”… often.


Street Talk

Kyle  

Yeah, this hits very close to home for me. I lost my brother to a car accident when he was only 19 years old. People deal with tragic events differently and use different personal facilities to grieve. Being their for support is about the best thing you can do, although it may not appear that the family realizes you are there, they definitely do and definitely remember you being their for them.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

"I'm Sorry" seems inadequate in these instances. Thanks for sharing.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

Great to bring this to the light, Heather. Knowledge doesn't make everything better but I would hope it can help us avoid some pitfalls. We have had way too many friends that have lost a child in the last several years. My heart still has a hard time with it; I can't even imagine what it is like for them.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

Yes, Sherry. Definitely something I hope to never fully understand.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

Know a couple who lost their daughter, marriage disintegrated. Another where the wife blames the death of their daughter on the husband, marriage can't last. Yet this is surely the time when parents cling to each other for support. The saying "it is harder to bury a child than a parent" so true, yet I say, none of us is ever prepared for the tragedy of death and having to bury anyone.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

I also know of a couple whose marriage didn't survive. Another, however, knew the statistic and made a conscious decision that it wasn't going to happen to them. They're still together and so I think it's an important thing to raise an awareness of. It's also a good reason to have a strong relationship in the good times. How can a crumbling building weather a storm?

Reply
  about 7 years ago

So true Heather, so true..........

  
  about 7 years ago
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