This Article is About
post natal depression
fast paced world
bread winner
many mothers
staying at home
new situation
time career
new baby
colleagues
few days
full time
relationships
sleep
I Have A Beautiful Baby Why Aren’t I Happy? Post - Natal Depression Causes Misery
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I Have A Beautiful Baby Why Aren’t I Happy? Post  -  Natal Depression Causes Misery

In this fast paced world of ours many mothers go from having powerful, busy jobs, to staying at home, completely alone. They are supposed to love their new situation and love their baby. Many don’t.

For financial reasons a high percentage of mothers work right up to the week, even the day before they give birth. They have no time to focus on the baby or absorb how they think it will change their life. Often these women have no friends or family close to home. They have been too busy working to form relationships in their own community and their friends are mainly work colleagues or people from university, all of whom work. Often family is far away as the couple could not afford to buy a home close to where they grew up.

Life With A Baby

The mother arrives home from hospital with her new baby, her husband goes back to work after a few days and she is now responsible for this new little life. The baby does not eat when she wants it to, it does not sleep when she wants it to and it doesn’t seem happy with anything she does. It cries often and loudly. On top of all this the mother is now solely responsible for the house, the washing, the ironing and the cooking. After all she is not working and it is only fair that she take over this role as her husband is now the sole bread-winner.

Often these women have no love of home-making as they have been full-time career women and get no satisfaction from a clean, sparking home. They view these tasks as meagre and degrading. If the truth be told they are resentful that they have to do them and feel guilty as they secretly blame the baby (and their partners) for putting them in this position.

Even worse these women are used to always being in control. They had projects to complete and deadlines to meet and they made sure that they did. They excelled. With the baby, however, they are no-longer in control. No-matter what plans they make, or schedules they set, the baby has a mind of its own and they end up completely off-schedule. Often they can’t even get the housework done, or the dinner prepared as it has taken hours to settle the baby. On top of all this they are exhausted.

Feelings Of Failure

After a few weeks of their new life many new mothers often feel like a failure. They are ashamed that are not happy and that they feel resentment towards their babies. They are also embarrassed that they now have to depend on their partners for money. They feel inferior. A high proportion of mothers sink into deep post-natal depression. They hate their lives, it all seems hopeless and they see no way out. The baby-blues hit hard.

Rest assured, there is a way out. The first step is to talk to your partner and then as quickly as possible take a day to reassess your life and work out what you want. Some options include:

  • Joining a mothers group
  • Volunteering in your area where you will be able to meet people and use your skills
  • Getting a cleaner/babysitter one or two days a week
  • Going back to work early

Remember that it is easy to feel guilt associated with whatever option you choose but simply accept the guilt. You are certainly not alone. Millions of women throughout the world feel exactly like you, including multi millionaires such as ‘Victoria Beckham’. Your feelings are normal.


Street Talk

This article is very insightful Tonette. Motherhood is fraught with emotion and the fear of doing it 'wrong', or being labeled a 'bad' mother if we admit it isn't all we thought it would be. I'm sure there's not a mother out there that doesn't relate to what you've written on some level. Sadly, at an age when most mother's would feel comfortable returning to work the second and third children arrive and women end up being 'home' for 10 years or more after which time their skills are dated and their confidence at entering the workforce lowered. They also don't relinquish all the house and childcare duties at this time such as school drop off and pick ups. It is indeed a blessing to be a mother... and it's a bed of roses with a few thorns!

Reply
  about 7 years ago

You hit a lot of key points with this article. Women that are powerful in their work lives often have trouble "changing hats". The key to navigating through this is to set small daily goals for yourself at home, as if you were at work. It will help to give you a sense of accomplishment and put you back in the "deadline" mind frame. Great article! Thanks for sharing

Reply
  about 7 years ago
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