Are you suffering from postpartum depression? Do you have the baby blues, or something much worse? Do you feel all alone and overwhelmed with the prospect of changing one more damned diaper? Do you wonder how you will ever get through one more day or that "oops, what was I thinking"? I can't do this mother thing? Like you, I had all of these feelings and more.

I suffered horribly from postpartum. My daughter was born, early and underweight. She didn't really sleep until she was 4 months old and I was beyond sleep deprived. I went nuts. And I didn't find any sanity for over 2 years. I couldn't sleep, my mind would not "shut up".

I tried, hot tubs, baths, meditations, babysitters, and meditation. NONE of it worked! I was a healthy, vibrant woman who had suffered depression in the past, but I was not going to let this GET ME! No sir. I fought it tooth and nail. I got people around me to help. But, alas, I could not get well. I was so against the idea of medication of any kind. I am really, really stubborn.

So, after suffering for nearly 16 months, my child now sleeping and growing up. I was a basket case. I had not gotten "well". I was sitting in corners, drooling and terrified I would not sleep. I was trying desperately to show up as a wife, mother, friend and worker. I was failing on all levels. I was at my wits end.

I had also "finished" with therapy. I'd already done that bit to the point of exhaustion. I was a picture of mental health, before this happened. I really had no other choice, but to succumb to that old one on one with yet another therapist. At first, we just talked. I was embarrassed that I felt like a horrible mother. That I HATED THE JOB, but loved my daughter. I was afraid that no one else felt like me. My therapist kept telling me that I was not in reality. NO KIDDING. I wasn't. More talking, more emotions. I felt like a car wreck, or worse, Humpty Dumpty. I could not put all my pieces together again.

After several months of therapy and support from my spouse and friends (those who did not give up on me!), I started to "walk" again and put the pieces together. But it was the "biggest" mountain, I have ever had to climb. I became and continue to be a postpartum survivor and live a very happy, contented life today . I cannot imagine NOT being a mother today. It is the most rewarding adventure I could ever be on.

I only wish I had had a place to talk to others who had gone through this horrible, horrible experience, of living with and recovering from postpartum. I was all alone and have not really found another mom, or one willing to tell the truth about the insanity of the baby blues.