Dating after divorce can be tricky, especially if you haven’t emotionally and or mentally healed your past relationship. A big clue that you aren’t really single again is if you still harbor anger or animosity against your ex or if you have a fear of being out in the world alone. Don’t worry, you can work through those feelings and get to a place where dating after divorce will not only be fun, but rewarding as well.

1. Take Time to Heal from Your Divorce

   This seems the most obvious, but can also be the most difficult. It is learning how to be alone – not lonely. This just comes with time and practice. How long is long enough? That all depends on the person. The more actively you work on your personal healing, the shorter of a time it will take. I can guarantee you; if you are celebrating the finalization of your divorce with someone new…it hasn’t been long enough. Here are some activities that you can do to start on the process.

   Go to a movie by yourself. Not a Tuesday early matinée performance; I am talking a Friday or Saturday night where there are a lot of people; and even some couples. Just be. Treat yourself to popcorn, the candy of your choice and a large drink. Be ok with being there alone.

   Go out to a coffee shop one evening – enjoy a cup of joe with yourself. Get the extra-large with and extra shot of espresso and the whip cream. Just sit and watch what is going on around you. Be ok just sitting there. Take some deep breaths if you need to! Bring a book and dive in. Just be ok with being out in public alone. (Note: The people that you are worried are looking at you thinking, “look at that looser that is here all alone;” they are most likely thinking “I hope that person enjoying their coffee over there doesn’t see the stain on my shirt.”)

2. Learn to Love Yourself

   I have found that even the strongest, most confident people spend some time beating themselves up after a divorce. Going through the “What ifs…” or they spend time “shoulding” on themselves. “I should have done this” or “I should have noticed that! What is wrong with me!” It is not only ok, but important to take a look at your mistakes and try to understand the dynamics and your part of the equation so you don’t hit the replay button in life. It is also important that you begin to offer yourself grace over past relationships and begin to really love yourself. Search for and embrace the value you add to life and the lives of those around you.

3. Believe in a Better Relationship

   As Walt Disney said, "If you can dream it, you can do it." So start dreaming about the relationship you want to be a part of. That is the first step to making it happen. Keep focused on the possibility of an amazing person entering into your life and together build the life of your dreams. Think about it, write it down, laugh about it! If you start to hear yourself, or any of your friends, say “Oh it will never work like that!” – don’t listen. That is sometimes easier said than done, so using a dating coach would be a great way to help you stay on track in building better relationships.

The main thing to realize is that there is a difference between being legally divorced and being emotionally divorced. When it comes to dating after divorce, make sure that you are truly single again before you start into a new relationship – that is only fair for both you and your new partner.