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forgiveness
five steps
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resentment
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anger
perception
depression
divorce
feelings
Getting Through A Divorce – The Difference Between Forgiveness And Acceptance
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I struggled for a long time thinking the only way I was going to get over my divorce was if I truly forgave my ex. Doing that would mean the requisite of forgiving her for everything that occurred during our divorce, which would be a tremendous task. This was an incomprehensible thought, because of the hurt I had witnessed that didn't only affect me. There was a resentment that lingers when your children can be hurt. And that resentment can manifest into stronger, more hurtful feelings later on.

Not being able to forgive and accept others faults was a roadblock that impeded my ability to get through my divorce. Getting through a divorce for men is a difficult struggle that we seem to be ill equipped to handle emotionally. It feels as if society holds a perception of weakness for men who show there emotion which can leave us to suffer alone. Being alone during times like these can cause us to even further withdraw from those that we would otherwise be close with and helping.

I was led to believe I couldn't fully recover without forgiveness. As I understood it, there are five steps to emotional recovery that you will progress through and completing these steps were vital for a full recovery. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and forgiveness were all necessary for me to experience before I would be able to move on in my life. By its truest definition, I couldn't truly forgive, so how could I finish the steps? I spent years wavering back and forth between anger and depression and I couldn't understand why.

It wasn't until I replaced forgiveness with acceptance that gave me the comprehension to be able to move on. Accepting others faults allowed me to move past the final stage of recovery which gave me the ability to begin working on myself. I beat myself up because I couldn't forgive the one that hurt me and for what she had done, but I could accept her for who she was and move on. It seemed to be so much more realistic. Accepting others faults and the things we have no control over was key to moving on with the things we can control. Ourselves.

Once I was able to accept all the actions I wasn't able to forgive, I discovered something I didn't expect. The ability of simply accepting others faults helped me accept myself for who I was. I understood myself better and the anger with myself began to dissipate. The blame that I had held on to was less and less focused on me, but more on the situations that I had no control over. Things we can't do anything about.

Understanding the difference between forgiveness and acceptance was crucial for me to get some much needed closure to my relationship. Getting through a divorce for men is a heartbreaking journey. But with the right tools and understanding, you will be able to progress through the difficult times with the knowledge necessary to help yourself.


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