Dear Readers,

The past three years have been filled with painful experiences and a whole lot of personal learning. I want to think that I have grown and learned from these experiences and that I can share this hard-way-learned-knowledge with you in order to avoid you some possible heart-ache.

My husband left me when I was six-months pregnant. We already had a 2 year old, a six-year relationship, a mortgage, two cars, families, mutual friends, bank accounts, investments, and too many other things to remember. As you can imagine the experience left me broken hearted, angry, devastated, shocked, and filled with pain and yes, even overloaded with hate. While it took me a while to recover form his insidious actions; while I was pulling myself together, taking care of my unborn baby and my two year old; while I was finishing my doctorate and working full time; I also made the time to think about my life and my situation; WHY and WHAT had brought me to this point, and WHAT was I going to do about it. I came up with some conclusions that I want to share:

1. Do allow yourself to feel every emotion you have and want to feel when you go through a hard experience. Don’t refrain yourself and don’t let anybody else tell you otherwise. It is worse for you to “bottle up” your emotions than to let them pour out freely. However, once you let yourself feel those emotions, don’t dwell on them forever. Sometimes people become obsessed and drag themselves down by emotions.

2. Give yourself time to “mourn.” This is a conscious decision only you can make. Whether it is a few weeks, six months, a year or whichever amount of time you decide, mourn. BUT then move on. For me it was six months of hard-core mourning, crying, and hating. After that time, I know it sounds easier said than done, but I “dusted myself” picked up the pieces and moved my heart on.

3. Find support in other people, friends, and family. If you believe in a Supreme Being, meditation, or other supernatural powers, do seek comfort in it. Some people might think this is just too obvious, but you would not believe how many people out there try to be strong alone and end up being even more frustrated, angry and lonely.

4. Focus on the Present but also in the Future. What I mean by this is that sometimes you feel you don’t have the strength to keep going on a second longer. Everything drags and your world seems immensely heavy. So focus on the present, take little steps sort of speak, one day at a time or perhaps a few hours at a time. Find something or someone that keeps you motivated even if it seems silly or crazy. For me, of course, it was my children, finishing my doctorate, and shopping…Michael Kors purses?? That’s right (hehe).

5. Find time for yourself. Relax. Take it easy. DON’T forget to take care of yourself. You do need it even if you feel you don’t deserve it. Sometimes I felt I was being selfish for trying to focus on myself while going through the hard reality. But then I realized that if I was not taking care of myself, nothing around me, including my children, would be okay.

6. Don’t attempt to do too much too fast. Do you know where this is going? Take time to be alone, yes, by yourself, honestly thinking about WHERE you want to go once your heart has healed. You cannot have a successful relationship afterwards if your heart, soul, and mind have not overcome the pain and healed completely. I assure you of that. If you try to date too “fast” or initiate a relationship without being “at peace” (and really, really, really, be honest with yourself), you will find yourself in another hard and painful situation.

So, in conclusion (wow, that reminded me of my English composition classes at MU), allow yourself to feel all range of emotions, find support in others, go shopping, yes, be selfish, focus on yourself and those around you, relax, and then good things will come your way when you less expect it…..but that is another story for me to share later…

Best Regards, Maya