This Article is About
anger resentment
negative feelings
misconception
heartbreak
road map
misunderstanding
disappointment
emotions
emotion
perception
excitement
Surviving A Divorce For Men - 5 Emotions To Recovery
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Surviving A Divorce For Men    -    5 Emotions To Recovery

Men begin with an emotional disadvantage when it comes to relationships and their failure. I think the general misconception is we are supposed to brush off these negative feelings and not be affected by heartbreak. If we show our emotions, we are weak and it can be emasculating.

We are the bad guy out of the gate. Whatever the issue may be, we seem to be blamed for the falling out. That is when I realized surviving a divorce for men can almost become literal. We face the feeling and incorrectly receive perception from the outside that it was our fault, when in fact, it is not true.

My divorce was the end of my relationship with the woman I had married. Once I understood this and viewed my divorce as a death to that relationship, I began to understand the natural flow of what mourning should be and it helped me find a way to recovery.

Surviving a divorce for men can be so difficult. Many times you may feel yourself caught up in unfamiliar feelings. You may simply just not understand what is happening. There are so many emotions you are going to go through, it helps to have a "road map" on the general flow of these feelings.

Denial: You don't believe this is happening. There is simply a misunderstanding and everything is going to be ok. You may just brush it off with an "it will pass" thought. Many of us fear change and the uncertainty that comes along with it.

Anger/Resentment: This powerful stage can cause more problems for you if you act on emotion rather than logic. It will be important to stop often and think things through right now. You wouldn't want to do anything that may hurt you later on.

Bargaining: The back and forth feeling of excitement and disappointment can be present. "If I do this, then that will happen", so you get excited because of "this", then "that" never happens. We try to use bargaining as a tool to get back what we think we have lost.

Depression: When all else has failed, we begin to draw inward and may look at ourselves as the problem, when this not true at all. Depression can be a very dangerous stage. If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions by now, perhaps professional counseling would be an option.

Acceptance: The wonderful feeling and realization of what is, is. It may feel that it is going to take forever to get here, but it does eventually come. And when you finally feel that relief from acceptance, you will know it is possible to move on.

As you progress through these stages, you will have a tendency to jump back and forth between them, going from depression, to anger, to bargaining then depression again. This is normal and expected. Just understand this is the natural process that your recovery is going to take.

Surviving a divorce for men will be one of the most difficult stages in your life. But there will always be a sense of accomplishment when you understand what you have gone through and how you can grow from life's experiences.


Street Talk

  

Thank you! It took me a couple of years to really figure this out, but when I did, it was a HUGE step for moving on!

Reply
  about 8 years ago

Well written article! Keep up the good work!

Reply
  about 8 years ago
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