“The sounds you fear, for the odours that appear.”

How can a dog convert food that it has eaten, to a stench that could have the scientist worried about global warming, running in circles. Scientist bemoaning the methane gas passed by cattle, and it's effect on global warming, are missing the point, or animal. Articles re cows gas, being met with astonishment, are missing the point by a tails width.

Dogs have a sense of humour, of this I'm convinced. A golden Labrador belonging to my Daughter, will move up wind, lie down and drop a clanger of monstrous proportions. The reaction he gets from the family, the looks of disgust and the clamping of nostrils with hands and material, all sought. If dogs could smile I would be able to catch him out. “ASCII, you stink, get out of here!” met with the wag of the tail, not a movement to obey, now what does that tell you? ASCII, that's his name, (only a computer programmer could come up with that name) loved by the family, trained at dog's school when young, an obedient dog, kept in perfect health, regular visits to the Vet and fed only the best dog food, can produce the worst of smells.

This dog will stand beside me whilst I drink tea on the veranda, nudge my arm till I scratch his head, or where ever else he fancies, and then pass a wind without a sound, but with the stench that peals the paint off the walls. He is an older dog, neutered early in life, so early he has never learnt to lift his leg, but with the intelligence and tenacity of a human being. It is this very intelligence that convinces me he knows what he's doing. Up wind every time, when he rises from the prone position, to move up wind of me, I run, with him after me, he now thinks this a game.

I'm blessed with two Fox terriers, one 10 years old, “Whiskey” named after an earlier dog I owned, a lover, will sell his soul for attention. The other his son 2 years old, “Baardjie” an Afrikaans name for “small beard”, my wife's dog. This little fellow, a tower-of-strength for her, when she was recovering from chemotherapy. Has a stench of note. If dogs passed wind in colours, he would produce a rainbow.

He spent months on the bed with my wife, whilst she suffered the toxic effects of the chemo, knowing when she needed company and support whilst I was at work. But he has the knack to turn around, place his orifice in a place below her nose, and let it go. The reaction mortifying on his behalf, when she reacted as she did. Be it as it may, she had to smile and laugh at his embarrassment, from producing this odour. However he was soon forgiven, and cuddled by Mom, a therapeutic smell if I've seen one.

It still amazes me that dogs, the self healers, that can eat a blade of grass to cure themselves of an ailment unknown to us, can not stop itself from producing such a powerful odour.