Most people will claim that their dog is the smartest, sweetest, most well behaved or even the cuddliest in the world and they mean it. You could not argue with these people on this point because they are just not going to have it. They won't hear a word of it. Excuse me for just a second. I am going to throw my hat in the ring here and trust me, I am fairly confident that I am not off the beam here. Mine is the absolute craziest dog in the world and I defy any of you to prove me wrong.

This dog is just a little over a year old and the list of things this maniac has consumed is mind boggling. She has eaten a full jar of peanut butter, jar and all. She opened and then consumed most of a twelve pack of Pepsi, including several of the cans. She has eaten one of my couch cushions after being first romantically attached to the thing for several weeks. She ate a shoe and she has eaten every single toy ever bought for her including the twenty dollar "indestructible" toy that Todd at a certain web site said would be perfect for her. Let me tell you something, Todd. You and I need to have a chat sometime about the meaning of that particular word.

She has brought in a few toads from her dog kennel, quietly bringing them in and then dropping them onto my lap. Why thank you, dog. There is nothing like a slightly chilled toad on bare legs to give you a good heart pounding scare. She brought in a rat but I am at a loss of how she managed to do it. Eighty pounds of dog here and this rat was scaring the living beans out of her. It squeaked and she would back herself up the steps, barking and prancing and telling me to get it. If you are inviting friends over to play, my dear, don't expect me to do the dirty work when you have a spat.

Recently, the front door popped open and she escaped. Apparently, she had hopped the fence across the street to play with their dog. Once she got tired, she hopped back over the fence and came home. Today, though, today she took the crazy cake with all four psycho paws. Again, the door pops open and she darts out. Timing is everything in a comedy routine and this could not have been rehearsed any better. Just as my door opened, a lady opened her car door. This dog, a ride loving dingbat, hops into this poor, bewildered lady's car and waits for the car to start to see where the ride might take her. The words "I'm sorry" felt kind of lame at that moment but what else can you say when you are dragging a giant, tail wagging dog out of a complete stranger's car?