The fake innocence on Mr Smiley Face is an apt description of my soon-to-be ex husband. That's his public persona. It's ironic because I never saw that person who lived at home with me. Even in 44years of marriage I only saw Mr. Smiley Face on very rare occasions. Today Mr. Smiley Face took our granddaughter to church in order to pull the wool over their eyes....

Look at me, Mr Smiley Face is saying... I have nothing to feel guilty about. Even though the police came to my home and took photos of my wife's bloody eye and even though they put me in jail...I am innocent...see my guilt-free countenance. It was my wife's fault...she made me hit her. She's an Effie B... You know. I am totally innocent. I am so innocent I can shake the preacher's hand and remark on the fabulosity of today's sermon. Could a guilty person fake this happy face?

Of course, we abused women know the answer to that ploy. YES, INDEED YES! You have fooled a lot of people most of the time. But times up for you buddy, cause we are standing up, speaking out...we are stopping the silence. My own Facebook page is replete with posters on abuse. My Pinterest account as well has its own domestic abuse board. Go there, check it out! I am not covering your butt one minute more, Mr Smiley Face!

It cannot be helped who may or may not believe the perpetrator..you and I can only speak the truth. People are going to believe the truth or a lie...their choice. Yes, it will hurt when some of our "friends" take his side, but you and I have enough to deal with. We cannot , and I would not want to, control someone else's beliefs...or behavior. Each person must answer to their own choices..in beliefs and in behavior.

I have cried today because I let his going to church keep me at home. It's still too hard to run into him acting all happy like nothing horrible ever happened.One day, perhaps after some counseling sessions, I won't allow his presence to make me physically ill. I am just not there yet! I forgive myself that I am not strong enough yet. I forgive myself that I am still crying half of my day. I forgive myself for the 3am insomnia that unfailingly wakes me up with a startle and fearful.

I encourage all victims to forgive yourselves for anything to do with your being a victim of abuse...from the guilt about not leaving, or the remorse concerning your children, all of it! None of it was your fault. No matter what the abusers say...none of US "made" him abusive. He will have to answer to that...not us. Lets try to get on with the healing process for ourselves lest we are never useful to anyone else. You can even forgive him...from a long distance. But until his counselor tells you personally that he has taken responsibility for the abuse, and significant progress has been made...until then maintain a great distance!