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domestic violence
those girls
9 months
paying attention
mommy
little girl
marriage
mistake
job
Why Did I Stay So Long? I Never Heard Of ,domestic Violence, Until I Lived It
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I met him at a party one night and thought how lucky I was that this gorgeous dark haired, green eyed guy was paying attention to me and ignoring all of the other girls there.

I was almost 19 freshly out of a mistake of a marriage and the mother of a little girl. So between working and being a mommy I didnt ever really do much. So when my friend came up to my job asking if I wanted to go to a field party a few counties away I said yes!

As happy as I was to be the one being noticed out of all those girls- I was just out of a failed marriage from the boy I was sweethearts with all through High School. I did what I thought was right and married him after I became pregnant. I graduated high school 9 months pregnant and I married him shortly afterwards. It was not something I should of done and I knew that. But I left and ended the marriage so I was available... right?

I played hard to get sort of but after much pursuit from him I gave in and gave him my number. Did he call me? Yes... a month later. So we spoke on the phone and he sounded great. We set up a day to meet and we would each bring a friend with us so that we werent stuck alone if it didnt work out, lol.

We were going out for a couple of weeks the first time I really noticed his temper. I was sick and had called off of work so when I spoke to him I told him this and that I wouldnt be coming out to see him until the next day. He got mad and told me that I can still come out and see him and when I told him no Im really not feeling well. He hung up. I was shocked but thought something must of happened right? I mean who gets mad and hangs up cuz your sick? Then awhile later he called back and apologized and asked me again to come out and that I could just lay in his bed and let him take care of me he missed me and wanted to see me. So I told him what was wrong with me and explained the pain involved and he said I will take care of you. So I caved and went.

While I was there we were laying together outside in this field to be alone because his sister had the house packed with people and I didnt want to be around all those people sick. When I had to go to the bathroom we went to the closest house which was his best friends and while in there I started to feel really ill and went to lay on the couch, I asked a girl in the house to go get him and I must of fallen asleep. When I woke up I woke up to being dragged off the couch and pulled across the floor all the while being screamed at. I was lost and amazed. We argued and I tried to leave and he would not let me. I was finally able to go when his sister heard us fighting and she came out and accused me of starting it. Then he turned on her and I ran and got in my car and left.

I went to work the next day and while there he called asking me if I was coming to see him that night. I told him no I had to work and he told me I was lying he had already asked my manager my hours. So I told him yeah that is true but Im covering for someone else to make extra money. So I did end up staying and he came up there to find out if I was lying!

We went about our relationship and that incident was shoved into the back of my mind. We had a great summer and decided to move in together. We lived there for about a month when he was sick of my work hours always being different and I was forced to quit. At first I was glad because I was tired so tired of working and coming home and taking care of a kid and a man. Besides he worked and made better money so I stayed home.

But my staying home to him meant STAYING HOME. No going anywhere, no seeing peopled not even going next door to our neighbors. I mean we could even leave our doors open and all would be ok. Then he came home one day and I was not in our apartment and all hell broke loose. He lost his mind yelling all sorts of things at me and calling me everything but my name. This was the first time that he actually just reached out and hit me! I was in shock. He immediately apologized saying how sorry he was. Then came the kicker of it though. Im sorry.... that you made me so mad that I hit you!

Time went by and by now I was pregnant with his son. The abuse got heavy during my pregnancy but I still kept hiding it. After the baby was born things settled down and all was ok... for awhile. Then one night he came home drunk from after work partying and we got into an argument and he pushed me, threw me, beat me black and blue and until then I didnt know I was pregnant. I just had a baby 4 months earlier And Im pregnant again?! The doctor told me no you are no longer pregnant you lost the baby. I wasnt sure if I was devastated or not. Relieved? I dont know.

There were many fights. There were many beatings. I hid it all from my family although his knew they never helped they would stand there and wait for it to be done so they could finish their partying or what ever was going on. Then I finally told my parents and they were going to get me an apartment in their name and help me escape. Other times I had left he came and got me and brought me back. I was determined it wasnt happening this time.

Until I found out I was pregnant again. When he heard he wouldnt let me out of his sight. He had heard I was planning to leave him so he was on guard. I had the baby it was our daughter. After I got my tubes tied and he was so mad. I told him I couldnt do it again. That miscarriage had done a number on my insides...

I went through years of abuse. One night it just got so out of control and he was hurting me so badly I must of called out or something because the police came. There was an anonymous call that someone was being beaten.They came into a blood bath. I was black and blue, 2 black swollen closed eyes, broken orbital bone, fractured cheek, broken open lip and many bruises everywhere. The police took pictures of me, of his fists, took him to jail and me to the ER.

He was in jail for a couple of days before he showed up in our bedroom pissed off at me for making him go to jail and I woke up to being beaten again. I couldnt keep doing this he was going to kill me. Years go by and nothing changes except the severity of the abuse.

Finally one day 23 yrs later I couldnt take it any longer and I lost it I fought back. I was repaid for my strength by him beating me, breaking glass over my head and face, and choking me into unconsciousness. I really thought that I was going to die. I probably would have if at that time one of his friends wouldnt of happened by. Thankfully he pulled him off of me and threw him out of the house.

That was the last time I let him in. It was our last day together.

To this day when I see him I cringe. I just have no idea why I stayed? Why didnt I leave when that first fight happened? Why did I let this man do this to me?

Im moving on now and I am happy with myself and I am trying to forgive myself for letting all of that happen to me. I hope that I can...


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