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heroin addict
negative feelings
low self esteem
drinking alcohol
drug addiction
smoking weed
social situations
self worth
everyday life
Addiction Through My Eyes
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Addiction Through My Eyes

This is an inside look on someone who has been caught up in the grips of addiction for almost 20 years, the progression of the disease and its effects on me and my family, and how I've managed to remain sober; what has worked and what hasn't.

So if one of your loved one's has been going through this and it has caused you a lot of grief, or if you've been through it yourself, I totally understand and you might want to read this.

My drug abuse is a symptom of what's really wrong with me; I suffer from what I like to call "a thinking disease".

Growing up I always felt less than everyone else, I had low self-esteem and low self-worth, I was crippled in fear when it came to social situations, and I suffered from depression.

All of this plus the pressures of everyday life weighed heavily on me. This is when I turned to drugs as a solution to escape reality.

My drug addiction began almost as everyone's had; I began experimenting with alcohol and weed.

This gave me a feeling of relief; I no longer had to worry about life's problems, I could talk to people without any fear and it took away any negative feelings I had, at least for a little while.

As time went on I began to experiment with other drugs and, though I didn't know it at the time, I crossed the imaginary line of addiction.

I began using prescription drugs, hallucinogenic, over the counter medicines, and finally found the love of my life; Heroin.

The progression of the disease had happened so quickly for me, in a matter of four years I went from drinking alcohol and smoking weed to shooting heroin.

When asked in school what I wanted to be when I grew up, I probably had responded with some respected profession.

I know I definitely didn't say that I wanted to be a heroin addict but that's what I had become.

It's funny because I was an honors student and somehow I had fallen victim to this disease. This just shows that it doesn't matter who you are or what walk of life you come from, IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU.

This disease doesn't discriminate. Because of this, I ended up in jails and institutions and nearly died on more than one occasion, yet that didn't stop me.

In order for me to stay sober, I had to become willing, I had to become honest, and I had to become open-minded.

This wasn't an easy thing for me, I had been using for so long and these principles had gone out the window.

After numerous attempts to get sober and numerous failures, only then did I become willing to listen to others that had been through what I had, and managed to stay sober for any lengths of sobriety.

These people had been sober for years and I just didn't understand how they had accomplished such a feat.

They told me things like “just keep coming" and I did. I stayed long enough for the miracle to happen. I had been so used to trying to control everything and everyone around me and by continuing to come to anonymous meetings I've discovered that the more I try to control things, the more out of control they become.

My motives were always self-seeking in nature. “What can you do for me"? They taught me in this program that it's not all about me that I should be thinking more along the lines of “what can I do for you”?

I found freedom in helping other people. Helping others, in turn, helped me.

To sum it all up, my life abusing drugs and alcohol has bought me to places that I never thought I'd be. It has been a trying journey though there is a way out through 12 step fellowships.

Many have done it before me so I know it works.

Life isn't always easy, but I look at it with a new found respect. Stay long enough for the miracle to happen!

Street Talk

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