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ho oponopono
conscious decision
forgiveness
grudge
wikipedia
reconciliation
loser
happiness
memory
How Do I Forgive?
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How Do I Forgive?

The first thing to realize about the act of forgiving is that it is a conscious decision. When you forgive you make a choice to do so, as clinical as that sounds. This is really the only way forgiveness can take place. At first it doesn't feel natural to forgive and the very idea of doing so may make you really mad. So and so did this and that and if I forgive them then it is like they got away with it.

Probably reading that last sentence got you riled up just thinking about it! So how do you feel right now? Does it feel good to be focused on the wrong and are you motivated to have a great life? I'm sure the answer is no. Did your feeling bad do anything at all to the person or thing that you are thinking about.?. Most likely they are not even aware.

So who is paying the cost right now for you not forgiving? Who is still the loser in this whole situation? You are. Therefore the most selfish, loving thing you can do right now is to give forgiveness, get this bad feeling out of your life, feel happiness, and be successful.

Now that we have decided to be victorious, we are back to the original question. How do I forgive?

You make a decision to forgive. You make a firm commitment in your mind that starting right now today you are going to forgive the wrong and move on with your life. This does not mean that you won't remember the bad feeling from time to time. This means that every time the memory of wrong comes to you you speak to it and remind it that you have forgiven the wrong and that it is in the past.

Now an “icky” part of forgiving someone is that you must ask for forgiveness as well. This is a good test to see if you have truly forgiven. There are always two sides to every story and no matter how “right” your side of the tale is, the other party acted to the best of their knowledge at the time and may hold some kind of grudge as well. I use Ho'oponopono, which according to wikipedia “is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.”

Now the cool part is that you don't necessarily have to confront this person and actually forgive them or ask for forgiveness. You can do all of this by yourself and at your own pace. Be compassionate with yourself and realize that forgiveness is a process of healing and a muscle that can take time and effort to learn how to use. As you use and stretch this muscle it will get easier and faster to forgive for you. You will always need to forgive and others will need to forgive you as you live your life. No one is perfect and conflicts always occur. If you can learn to deal with these conflicts quickly you will have a much easier time of it.

When the memory tries to reengage, enact the power of love and act as if you have forgiven. Your brain is made up of roadways of neurons that you have built over time connecting memories with sensations and feelings. At first, when the memory comes to you your brain will try to go down that familiar path. Your ultimate goal is to lay a new path for this memory thus giving you a different result.


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