Stop Trying To Change People
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Stop Trying To Change People

Past Family Relationships

All of us humans have had many types of relationships in our lives. Friendship, personal and intimate as well as family relationships. Think back to all of those and you can see a pattern. People you were attracted and maybe still are attracted to. Family members of course, well, we didn't pick them out they were just there. Mother's, father's and sibling's interactions with us were a huge factor in terms of how we proceeded to draw other individuals into our circle.

How did they see us? This foundation set out our future when interacting with people outside of our families. Were we understood and loved? Did our family members care to listen to how we were feeling at a particular time or event or ever? Were we comforted and allowed to show our emotions freely? Or did we learn to keep our deepest feelings to ourselves holding them inside because that was the safest way to go.

It was so very important for to us to please and gain love and respect from both our parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents and other family members. This is where we learned how to present ourselves to others. What type of behavior worked? Was it being quiet or not showing any emotions? Was it being loud and lashing out to try and gain any kind of attention be it good or bad? This is learned behavior and we brought it with us as we became adults and went out on are own.

Friends and Personal Relationships

Did we go out into the world and attract people to us that would repeat these behavior patterns? Was emotional, verbal or physical abuse something we just tolerated because it was the "norm" for us. Did we actually find this type of behavior from others comfortable because it was embedded deep within our our minds and souls?

Think about that and look within closely. When a friend, lover or spouse talks down to you makes you hurt inside and instills self loathing, you need to step back and look inside yourself. Why continue these toxic relationships? You will never please these people or gain anything good for yourself when you continue to stay around them. This is not being selfish, it is actually learning to love yourself no matter what.

I have walked out of relationships with family members, friends, husbands and lovers. It took years believe me, to realize that you cannot change people. You can try and please people until you have nothing left of yourself and it never changes anything. Think of a big hole in the sand by the seashore. You can pour everything you have into this hole and it will never be filled it will just collapse onto itself.

Don't be afraid or feel guilty about walking away from these destructive people. While you spent your valuable time, love and care on them frankly, understand, that they do not care. I feel it is their loss not yours.

When you decide enough is enough, no more accepting abuse in any form from any relationship a huge weigh will drop from your shoulders. You may run into these people or hear about them from others down the road. Guess what, they haven't changed a bit but you are free from them. You can also gain your personal power back and seek out those who will love and respect you. You deserve this, what you don't deserve is someone who enjoys keeping you down.

Be free my friends and be good to yourselves.


Street Talk

Greeting April, this is another masterpiece. Congratulations!

Reply
  about 4 years ago

You are very kind Andrew!

Reply
  about 4 years ago

Great article, April. It's thought provoking, and may be a little scary... it makes me wonder if I have really, ever, faced the real me, deep down inside...

Reply
  about 4 years ago

Thanks so much Juan. I am grateful you took the time to read it. Hey don't feel bad it took me years and years to think put my own feelings up there and know what I should and should not put up with. Feeling guilty when I didn't want to deal with someone's wrath or their bad moods. The list went on and on. When you do reach that point of "enough" and you step away the freedom that brings is worth it.

Reply
  about 4 years ago
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