This Article is About
insecurity
rough patches
pouring rain
loving partner
private thoughts
last straw
good mood
accusation
serial killer
swine
How Do I Overcome My Insecurity?
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How Do I Overcome My Insecurity?

Anxiety makes us look for trouble. People who are afraid of flying tend to look out of the window to make sure both wings are still there!

Assumption can be another enemy.

"The swine didn't ring me when he said he would. I know he's seeing that damn woman. It's the only explanation."

In fact, what Susan doesn't know, is that it's pouring rain fifty miles away, and Frank has a flat. We'll use the same names that we used in the previous article. Frank finally fixes his tyre and decides not to phone Susan for the excellent reason he's left his cell at work. He isn't worried. Susan will understand. He reaches home, but instead of being received by a sympathetic and loving partner, the KGB are out in full force.

Why didn't he ring? where's he been all this time? He can only have been with another woman. This last accusation really lights Frank's fuse. He isn't in a very good mood anyway. This last accusation is the last straw. He isn't in a very good mood anyway. Changing tyres in the pouring rain tends to have this effect on people!

Anyway, Frank turns on her and gives her a good tongue lashing. He tells her he's sick and tired of her eternal suspicions, and if she finds him so untrustworthy, she may just as well leave.

Assumption is a pretty good path to self-torment. The truth is that relationships are a bit like tides in the ocean. They ebb and flow, occasionally there are rough patches, but with two normal people, they flow nice and smoothly.

Everyone, to a greater or lesser extent, needs his or her space. Private times where they can think their private thoughts and these must be respected by both parties. Say you've lived together for six months. By this time, you really ought to know each other well.

I know there have been cases where the couple have lived together for years, when the wife suddenly discovers that her husband's a serial killer. I think we can say that's very much the exception rather than the rule.

Next time insecurity hits, ask yourself what it is you're imagining. Insecure people tend to think that the relationship should be exactly as they think it is. Why? Have you forgotten? There are two in this relationship, not just you. What does your partner think? To keep demanding to know whether your partner loves you or not, puts an intolerable strain on a marriage, relationship, whatever.

When you're dealing with human beings, nothing is certain. But remember that you were both attracted to each other in the first place and if you've lived together for any length of time and are still living happily, don't rock the boat.

The beginning of self-assurance comes when you learn to relax with uncertainty.

Your partner has to go out one evening. Yes, he could be going to see another woman, but have you ever found any evidence of this before? Is he just as loving? Is he suddenly acting strangely? No? Then the chances are your concerns are for nothing.

Live with uncertainty, and before you know it, you'll be taking the uncertainty out of the equation.


Street Talk

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