Saying I Am Sorry
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Saying I am Sorry

How to say I am sorry when the Trust has been broken in a relationship

For many people saying I am sorry is a very difficult act to do, especially for men who are taught that it is a sign of weakness. For other it may be an admission of guilt. The bottom line is either you are sorry or you are not. Do you WANT him or her back in your life? Do you care or not? I say this because if you love them and you want to fix this and you care and and and … Then WHO really cares about my manhood and my pride and my so called admission ~ I mean REALLY!!!!

Let’s face it, the very first step is this process is to be honest! So, with take in mind, number one action for you to take is “FULL responsibility for your actions. Be honest and stop the lies; The lies to them and the lies to yourself. Take a deep breath, look at that man or woman in the mirror and you don’t need me, or God, or the Church or your friends or your family to tell you right from wrong. RIGHT? I mean, YOU knew what you did and what you were doing and that it was wrong the very moment you crossed the line didn’t you?

We all have that inner morality compass, it’s called our heart and IT knows right from wrong, so let’s get real and face facts. IF, you want this lie and betrayal to END your marriage or relationship you are more than half way there, just end it and move on! Be honest, you no longer care, and you don’t want this anymore, so why waste time in all this YUCK of pain, shame, guilt, more lies and betrayal?? Pick up your stuff and GET OUT!!!

He or she deserves better than you and in time I hope you too deserve better than this.

Just so you know, I have no patience for liars, cheats, and dishonest people NOT if they are going to continue to liar and cheat. Now , if you want to change your ways and are sorry for what you did and your seeking redemption….. AHA I have a huge heart and lots of compassion and I will roll up my sleeves and get down in mud with you. I’ve walk a mile in your shoes my brother and I know what it like. So I am not here to judge you, you’re going to do enough of that yourself. I am here to facilitate, repair the trust, Lend to the mend. Offer my wisdom and make suggestions to help make this relationship whole again.

I believe in LOVE . I believe in the POWER of love. Love is the answer and will heal everything I time. In love there is s NO room for judgment. There is only LOVE.

So let’s get honest about this whole thing. IF , you were in a relationship and now your reading this as if you care and you really don’t, then I am sorry to be so blunt but you are just giving me and them, lip service,. Talk is cheap. Action speaks volumes. That being said and hopeful we now have thinned out the audience of those who truly WANT to mend this broken relationship and we are on the same page… let’s get down to bare bones.

______________________________________________________________________________

Take full responsibility for your action

You’re going to go through some real pain and gut wrenching nights. Perhaps you’re OUT and on you own right now. Perhaps it feels like your all alone still living with your partner. Either way you are about to enter the time warp zone. Sometimes things get very THINK and other times life seems to be speeding by so fast. No matter the best thing you can do right now is breath. Prayer is good, mediation is good, Excises is good and writing is very good. Get your thoughts and feeling out on paper. Talk about it to a trusted friend. Cry it out, get it out of you or else it will eat you alive. Guilt shame, blame, sadness, anger, rage, depression, will eat your guts out and consume your spirit connecting over time and do you will no longer be good to you or anyone else.

Say you are sorry

Saying you are sorry to the person you just wronged is very important to them. . It validates their thoughts and feelings. They feel heard and it helps in their honor and self-respect. Of which is so low right now. You may not feel it right now, but it does. They have no energy left to give, they are empty and in a dark place.

Saying sorry also helps you in your healing process. Confession is good for the spirit. It is NOT a weakness at all. In fact I think it takes REAL man to say I am sorry. That comes from a man’s point of view of course but still I am one who supports you 100%. While we are at this topic about manhood, let me say that I also believe and support the same manly nature for those men who are sensitive , kind, caring , compassionate, have empathy, can feel and express their feeling, can cry and dispel the lie that somehow these characters are somehow NOT manly. I assure you I am every bit a man and I am all those things and more because of them.

Understand that saying sorry only ¼ of what needs to be done

Just because you said I am sorry does not make it all better. Oh we wish it were so, but it is not. See your sorry right now you got caught you haven’t even gotten to how sorry you’re going to feel when you find out just how much pain and hurt your mate really is in. Like I said this is going to get worse before it gets better. BUT, saying sorry truly helps. It a great first step.

Become aware

We need to understand that the other person is not suffering and having all this pain and hurt JUST because you lied, cheated them and betrayed them…..NO, that is just tip of the ice berg. You broke a solemn vow, you broke the trust and intimacy in your relationship. You dismissed them and took away their position in your life. They feel less than second. You hurt them in the very core of their being, in their heart and soul. They are wounded far beyond your selfish lies. You left them as waste. That’s HOW they feel. Something to consider is, how would YOU feel if the shoe were on the other foot? Think about that a while.

Why am I telling you this? Why am I being so hard on you? Because I want your relationship to be whole again and IF that’s what you want and that what they want then this is going to be hard on both of you. So let get our mind in the right place. That being said, if you both love each other this can work out no matter how HARD it might seem right now.

Work

This is going to take work on your part BIG time and their part as well. I say this because the one who betrayed the other at this point needs to understand them like no other time in your relationship. You need to turn your pain and hurt into compassion for them. And you need to do that FAST because they bleeding out your loves life blood fast and need direct pressure on those wounds. Here is kick in the head, you may be the one who can administer the first aid. WHY ! You now are the PAIN. Your words mean nothing. Less than nothing. They cause MORE pain, more blood. To them you are the reason for all their pain. They didn’t throw you out to hurt you in as much as they did it to protect themselves. They are in survival mode. I know I am coming down on you pretty hard I want you to realize just how hard it is for THEM right now.

So what can we do , what should we do?

My advice is to give them all the time all the space they need. Don’t ignore them just back off ! It’s not about your pain it is about their pain. You got here because of your selfishness so you’re going to have to eat some humble pie and bury your pride and become selfless

Don’t pour it on too thick

The tendency is to buy her flowers, candies, cards , poems, sweet sweet …love love love .. you would THINK that would be good right ?? But its not ! It’s a confirmation of your guilt. It too little too late. It’s bush league and cheap. Where was all that loving yesterday when I needed it?? Do you feel that? Good. So love them , be sweet make nicie nice when you can in small bits , JUST don’t pour it on. Also don’t be surprised if your loving them is met with resistance. This is NOT because they don’t appreciate your actions, I ma sure they do, it is because at this point they are protecting their heart from you . They are scared that if they let you in too soon , you will do it again. So they are cautious right now. Let me tell you the best course of action YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW.

YOU first

Remember your last air flight when the stewardess come on and said “ If the cabin pressure falls an OX mask will come down from the cabin top …Do NOT attempt to put this on your child or anyone else BEFORE you secure your mask on yourself FIRST. !!!! I remember the first time I heard that I said RIGHT, like I am going to let my baby die before me NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!! BUT think about this: there you are with precious moments left of your life and you putting the mask on your baby…. You pass out from lack oxygen and NOW both you and your baby die … HOW HORRIBLE of me to use this analogy BUT hopefully you will get IT. Better to take care of you first and THEN you will be able to take care of others !!! I know this sounds selfish but its NOT.

Your action will speak louder than your words

If your mate see’s that you are fixing you and making the change you want to see in you and her and your relationship… he or she will translate that into : WOW!!! look at what they’re doing , he said he would do that and he is doing it! Now what does that imply? It implies that you are a man of your word ~AHA !!!! That sounds good. Better than a PAIN!

Now build on that momentum. Keep on working toward you best coming forth so that in time you are becoming better. The better man a better woman, a better partner, better for you, better for them, better for US…do you see where I am going with this ? It takes work to make progress to move forward FROM this mess you are in . So doesn’t just talk about it DO IT and do it now. Don’t wait ~ participate. Take action and fix YOU FIRST! This will speak volumes to them, trust me .

OK, time has passed, you have make a lot of changes to you and they seem to be softening just a tad, you notice a smile, a more open stance, an invitation to talk, or listen or be heard. Don’t push IT... just let it happen naturally.

Make a LIST and check it twice

Make a list of what you love about them

Make a list of your favorite things you did with them

Recall a precious moment with them.

Tell them how they bring you joy. Do you get the picture?

GIVE THE some process gifts. Another words LOVE THEM . Love them , love you, love your relationship. Small steps, crawl, walk and until you can run back into each others arms.

Once you are able, come to the table…… HAAAA.. I like that.

I am serious, have a sit down and talk and get it all out on the table LISTEN TO THEM and take notes. You need to identify the problem before you can come up with a solution. Now we talked about this in my post Broken Trust Relationships ~ 3 Steps So, I won’t dwell on this again here you can read that post. How to Fix your Relationship

I just want to give a touch up to those of us who want to start mending this trust and say “I am sorry” and find out where the other person is at. I hope I gave you some insight so that you have a better understanding of their wants and needs right now.

I would be very interested in knowing what you think, how you feel , how we can help others through this process.

With Love and Respect,

Paul


Street Talk

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