Being a deputy clerk for a judge in a Domestic Relations District Court for seven and one half years I have many horror stories to tell. I often sat there and wondered did these people ever love each other once? Believe me sometimes it was pretty hard to fathom. The absolute hatred and vindictiveness sometimes was just too much to take. I took plenty of breaks I can tell you that. The court I worked in did not actually do the divorce itself we did the custody and child support aspect of it.

Why Bring The Children There?

One thing I will advise parents is not to bring their children to court during a custody battle unless the judge has specifically asked for them to be there in a contested case to testify. Yes, unfortunately we have had people bring their children to listen to the hate and discontent between parents how horrible it must have been for them. My judge bless her, would not allow it in her courtroom, sometimes the parents would actually argue with the judge stating "it's my child I will decide" where the judge would reply, "it's my courtroom and I will not put this child through this since you do not have the sense not to". One woman actually stated during a child support hearing "I want my son to know what a dog his father is".

The Children Should be Your Main Concern

It seems the focus with some of the parents is "I will get you"' not "let's do the right thing for the children". Divorce is hard enough onkids of any age without dragging them through years of arguing feeling like they have to take sides and being unsecure in their lives. If they see their parents getting along and being encouraged to love both their parents it would make a bad situation easier for them to bare. You would also set an example for them that would last for years to come that people can get along be flexible and not beat each otherdown. They will feel more loved and secure with having both parents there for them and nothaving to choose who is the better parent.

Engage With A Mediator

Most courts today have professional mediators that can assist parents with custody and child support issues out side of the courtroom and have agreements drawn up without doing it in the courtroom. It saves time and money and once an agreement is drawn up a judge canwrite up an Order and sign it.That does not mean that it cannot be modified, any parent can file a motion with the court if he or she feels that something in the Order needs to be changed since life can always throw things we don't expect at us. This will also relieve the stress of being in a courtroom and bringing up oldall matters, telling personal things about your marriage in front of strangers and dragging friends and relatives in to testify. Divorce is never easy and never an easy decision but if it has to be, don't make it a horror show for all involved you can work it out if you really love your children.