This Article is About
being friends
ebb and flow
common bond
separate ways
fact of the matter
moment in time
friendships
bad idea
right off the bat
circles
excuse
Being Friends With Your Ex - The Bad News
Join 1000's of Authors at StreetArticles Today!

Being Friends With Your Ex  -  The Bad News

No matter how your relationship came to an end, the hardest part of any split is often considering the final disposition - the moment in time when you actually have to say goodbye where each of you goes their separate ways. This ultimately leads to a lot of former couples forming a type of friendship in an effort to avoid the pain of being alone. Unfortunately, these friendships are full of potential landmines - and both parties are usually left feeling more hurt than they would have otherwise.

No matter how amicable your breakup was, a friendship with your ex is not all sunshine and rainbows. While at first the benefits outweigh the drawbacks by an impressively high ratio, the reality cannot be kept at bay forever. Although the two of you hang out often, talk almost like you used to and share a common bond and understanding, your relationship doesn't exist anymore. You broke up, and you can't gloss over the fact of the matter with a pseudo relationship in place forever.

What was your connection with your ex before you started dating? Were you friends? Did you hang out in the same circles? Were you acquaintances? A friendship with an ex becomes more viable when it is simply a continuation of a pre-existing bond prior to your dating relationship. It minimizes the damage that can potentially be caused by breaking away completely and gives you an excuse to stick around - even if you may know better.

Just because being friends with your ex is ultimately a bad idea for both of you, it isn't all bad right off the bat. Good moments certainly are possible. Maybe in the long run you start feeling closer to your ex than ever. It finally seems that you were able to put the past behind you, and that things are really starting to work out the way you always dreamed. What could possibly put a kink in the plan now?

No friendship is free from flaws entirely. People disagree all the times, and friendships ebb and flow as both individuals grow and change as they encounter different challenges individually as well as together. When you're friends with an ex, these problems are often compounded exponentially. No matter what side of the breakup you were on, you're going to have to deal with these issues head-on, or kiss your friendship goodbye before it even begins.

If you're the person who ultimately ended your relationship with your ex, you have to understand that your ex is still trying to deal with lingering feelings that didn't end just because the relationship did. Ultimately, they're looking for the opportunity to come in and save the day - by reinstating your romantic relationship with or without your blessing. If things don't seem quite cohesive in the way of a typical friendship, chances are good that those feelings are most likely the culprit, and they're also not simply going to go away if you ignore them for long enough.

If your ex is the one that called things off, however, you already know what's really going on. That deer in the headlights look isn't fooling anyone. You know that you want to win your ex back at almost all costs, and you're just biding your time until a golden opportunity magically shows up at your door. You think that a friendship is simply an avenue to achieve your overall goal, and if your ex is denying their own feelings that denial will eventually wear off.

No matter how amiable your breakup was, one person inevitably felt more hurt than the other. Maybe it was due to the fact that they felt their opinions didn't count towards the overall disposition of things, or maybe it's because they never wanted the breakup at all. Regardless of the thought-process behind the scenes, things that heavy can't stay hidden forever. It will ultimately lead to a lot of built up emotion on one or both sides, and it's going to be hard to move past that kind of negativity long-term.

Focus on the Ultimate Prize

If you're starting to recognize the reality behind your façade of a friendship, then the biggest hurdle is already behind you. Often admitting your feelings is harder than putting them into practice in reality. You need to take some time away from the friendship and your hopes for the situation and really focus on what you're feeling.

Since you're on the fence with the whole friendship tactic, you may want to take the plunge and realize that it's simply not the correct course of action if you're looking for a real chance at a renewed relationship. Some action will need to be taken on your part, and being friends is not the way to make it a reality.

Are You Friends Already?

If your breakup led to a gradual shift into friendship that doesn't have to mean that your golden opportunity has already passed you by. The time to take definitive action is gradually slipping through your fingers, however, which is why you absolutely need to step up to the plate and do something about it - before you realize that it's simply too late.

The good news is that there are certain things you can do now that may give you an edge in the long run. First of all you need to move away from the friend role that you may have unwillingly filled. That means backing off for a little while and seriously considering your options. From there, a conversation is in the cards - and it's not going to be an easy conversation to have.

The fact of the matter is that you owe yourself some honesty right now, and you owe it to your ex as well - even if that honesty is not something they necessarily want to hear. Be honest with the doubts that you're having about staying friends. More importantly, be honest about how you really feel. Although they may be resistant at first, they'll come to appreciate your honesty, and that's going to give you a definite advantage throughout the process.

What To Do Next

Being friends with your ex is only a good idea if you are not interested in them romantically and have moved on. However, if you want to get back together there are a few things that you have to do first. Avoiding these break up mistakes is crucial if you want to be successful. Most people have no idea that they are doing anything wrong and this is dangerous. You also should be on the look out for signs your ex loves you. Only then can you really gauge how they feel and what your chances are.


Street Talk

No comments present
You May Also Like
Being Friends With Your Ex Boyfriend - Is It Wise?
Relationships can often be complicated. At one point, you may end up breaking up with your boyfriend for a host of reasons. What is more intriguing is the fact that your boyfriend may want to continue being your friend. This may sound strange. All along you imagined how you would…
By: Charlotte Jane in  Relationships  >  Friendship   Jul 26, 2012  
0
  Likes: 1

What You Should Know About Being Friends With Your Ex
What could possibly be wrong with developing a friendship out of your broken relationship? Simply put, everything. Attempting a friendship could destroy the last vestiges of the bond that the two of you spent a lot of time putting together. It could crumble your remaining respect and turn into something…
By:  in  Relationships  >  Friendship   Nov 10, 2012  
1
  Likes: 1

How to Reconnect With Her After Breaking Up
After a breakup, our lives are spun out of control.  You have no idea if she's going to come back to you, if she's seeing someone else, and you feel desperate to get her back.  Here are three things you can do to make yourself feel better - and ultimately…
By: Max Grimnar in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Sep 29, 2011  
0
  Likes: 3

Steps to Get Him Back - Do You Know These Crucial Steps?
The end of a relationship is always difficult, but it is even harder to deal with when all you really want is to get back together with your ex. Firstly, though, you need to think about why the relationship ended, and whether there was anything that you could perhaps have…
By: G.M. Bevan in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Aug 09, 2012  
0
  Likes: 1

Reasons to Why Men Pull Away
Have you ever wondered why after having an engaging interaction with a man and forming a strong bond, a few weeks later he behaves uninterested and distant? I’ve found that a lot of great women are let down by the man they try to commit to because he begins to…
By: Mohale in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Oct 10, 2012  
0
  Likes: 2

Why You Shouldn't Stay Friends With Your Ex After The Break Up

It was the least thing that you expected. The breakup caught you off guard to begin with - but being offered the second-place prize in regards to friendship was like an additional kick in the stomach. Is there a chance that a friendship with your ex could work out in…
By:  in  Relationships  >  Friendship   Jan 29, 2013  
0
  Likes: 0

My Boyfriend Wants To Be Friends But I Want More
At some point in your life you may have found yourself having to end a relationship for one reason or another. This puts some people at a complex position of having to deal with an ex. Some wonder if they should cut off the ex completely considering the pain that…
By: Charlotte Jane in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Jul 26, 2012  
0
  Likes: 3

Can You Be Friends With An Ex Boyfriend? - The Truth
Being friends with an ex boyfriend is a tricky situation. Some girls believe that it will allow them to have a front row seat into their personal lives. They thinks that if they hang on long enough that their ex boyfriend will see the error of his ways and realise…
By: Charlotte Jane in  Relationships  >  Friendship   Sep 11, 2012  
0
  Likes: 0

How to Make Him Love Me – 5 Tips to Make Him Fall In Love With You
You’re really into this guy and you’re wondering “how to make him love me and make sure he’s into me too.” Well, let’s just assume that your gut feeling tells you that he likes you too. Now like and love are two different things but hey, you have to start…
By: Ashley Kay in  Relationships  >  Dating   Jun 19, 2013  
0
  Likes: 1

Aquaponics at Home
In the world of organic plant life aquaponics at home is a relatively new craze. It is a system that creates Eco-systems where fish support the life an growth of plants and vice-versa. I was already an amateur hydroponics enthusiast when I stumbled upon aquaponics and it was very hard…
By: Chris Evans in  Recreation and Sports  >  Fish Ponds   Feb 06, 2012  
1
  Likes: 0

How Spiritual Inquiry Can Help Handle Trading Emotions
It is an irrefutable fact that an understanding of your spirituality and of yourself which obviously includes your trading emotions, are much closer linked than you think. Consider this: Many traders have anger issues. I had them too. In the first years of my trading I used to get really…
By: Mercdes Oestermann van Essen in  Investing  >  Day Trading   Jun 18, 2012  
4
  Likes: 2

Grow Plants Indoors Successfully With Hydroponic Systems
Gardening used to be a tedious task when we saw our parents work daily to cultivate and take care of every plant in the yard. Now that everything is revolutionized, the hobby of gardening and the efforts that come along with it can now be convenient by opting for hydroponic…
By: RamboMoe in  Home and Family  >  Gardening   Jan 23, 2013  
0
  Likes: 0

Symptoms of Perimenopause - 5 to Watch For!
Are you concerned that you've been going through some "changes" lately, maybe don't feel like your usual self? Perimenopause (or pre menopause) can start as early as age 35 for some women. This is a time when hormones start rising and falling unpredictably. Usually, for any woman, during her monthly…
By: joyce donovan in  Health and Fitness  >  Womens Issues   Jul 20, 2011  
0
  Likes: 0

Instrumental Musicians Top 3 Tips for Better Practice
Sometimes learning an instrument can seem so difficult. It is easy to get bogged down with technical aspects, especially if you are finding them hard. Here are some practice techniques that you can use to help you learn smarter. Learn Your Scales I know they are boring. However, scales are…
By: CathyLou in  Arts and Entertainment  >  Music Instruction   Jun 09, 2011  
0
  Likes: 0

Are You Missing The Most Important Part - Love And Respect In Marriage?
For any marriage to be a success there must be two important aspects – love and respect. Without these two characteristics, a marriage is sure to have problems and is headed for destruction. Is love and respect the center of your marriage? It is important to understand that the two…
By: Jaquin Durban in  Relationships  >  Commitment   Apr 05, 2011  
0
  Likes: 0

Article Views: 2985    Report this Article