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Can You Be Friends With An Ex Boyfriend? - The Truth
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Can You Be Friends With An Ex Boyfriend?  -  The Truth

Being friends with an ex boyfriend is a tricky situation. Some girls believe that it will allow them to have a front row seat into their personal lives. They thinks that if they hang on long enough that their ex boyfriend will see the error of his ways and realise that he wants more than friendship. I'm afraid that it just doesn't work like this. To be able to answer the question "can you be friends with an ex boyfriend?" you will have to delve a little deeper into the truth of the situation. This article will help with that.

When It Is Okay To Be Friends With Your Ex Boyfriend

If you do not have any feelings left for your ex boyfriend then being friends with him isn't such a bad idea. If it has been a long time since you have broken up and you have dealt with all of the emotional baggage that goes along with it. Maybe one or both of you have already moved on and you are happy for them, there is no jealousy there and you really want to be part of his life.

Again it all depends on your own personal situation. If you do not want to get back together with your ex boyfriend and you have no lingering feelings there, then being friends with your ex boyfriend is a good idea. There was probably a friendship there to begin with and you do not want to throw that away just because you have broken up. If you can be mature about the situation and accept that he might be with someone else in the future, then there is no real reason why you shouldn't remain friends with him after the break up.

You have to be selfish here though and think about it from all angles. If you believe that there is a small chance that you want more or that you could be hurt with a friendship only relationship, then you have to put your own needs first. You don't want to make a mistake and drag things out indefinitely. You might not be able to move on completely if you are pretending with the whole friends thing - maybe a clean break would be best for you.

Weigh things up in your own head first. If you think that he is using the friendship thing as a way to keep you on side should he ever wish to get back together with you then you have to nip this in the bud. You do not want to be his second choice. If you think that he will treat you fairly and that the friendship thing can work, then go for it. Be prepared that it might not be as smooth sailing as you anticipate though. Feelings of awkwardness can creep in. You were once intimate with him and may feel the urge to kiss or hug him - this can strain a friendship so please be honest with yourself.

When Is It A Bad Idea To Be Friends With An Ex Boyfriend

This should be an obvious one. If you are still wrapped up in him and hope that you can get back together down the road, then being friends with your ex boyfriend will only shoot you in the foot and have the opposite effect. If you agree to be friends with him then you are putting yourself in a very difficult situation. You will be eager to make him want you again and could end up making a fool of yourself in front of him. He might then terminate the friendship completely and it could make you feel even worse.

If you think that the friendship thing will be a perfect opportunity to work your way back into his affections then you need to wake up. This rarely happens and it can do more damage than you think. You have to understand something about male psychology here. When you make yourself too available to him then he will not value you as much. Men love the thrill of the chase, when he knows that he can have you back as soon as he wants then he will not make a move.

You have to think of your self respect here, he will not respect you if he secretly knows that you have more on your mind than friendship. It will also make things very awkward indeed and a true friendship will never happen if one or other party has an ulterior motive. You have to consider the fact that he wants to be friends with benefits. He wants all the perks of a relationship with none of the committment and loyalty that it entails. Do you really want to be used like this?

He will never see you as a potential girlfriend again if you fall into the friendship trap. He will get used to you as a platonic friend and you will slip into this new role before you know it - getting him to see you romantically after this is almost impossible. Being friends with your ex boyfriend will never give him the chance to miss you either and realise what he has lost. He has the best of both worlds here, he has you around in his life and he can move on at the pace he wants to. You on the other hand are left hanging in a kind of no man's land. You will be feeling helpless and your hopes will be constantly dashed when he doesn't reciprocate your advances.

The best thing that you can do is to refuse to be friends with him if you want to get him back. You should not be afraid of standing up for yourself here. He may be shocked but it will force him into thinking what he really wants and face up to what he stands to lose.

Your Next Steps

Now that you know the truth about being friends with an ex boyfriend, it is important that you take some productive steps to make sure that you don't fall into this trap. First you should look at the no contact rule and what it means, how it will affect your ex boyfriend and how long it lasts.

There are also steps to make him want you back. This is crucial if you want to get him back - he will not pursue you if he doesn't want you first. Look into male psychology to get the ball rolling.


Street Talk

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