It's a common and understandable misconception to believe that remaining friends with an ex after the breakup is a good, positive and healthy solution to a painful problem. After a breakup, a large void exists in more than a romantic sense. An ex often fills the roll of a best friend as well as partner. While you may suspect that a clean break is the best option for you both, actually breaking away can prove to be much more difficult. If you're fixated on the idea of friendship, you may wind up worse off over time than you are now - and that's saying something.

Because of the comfort and security that is naturally attached to the person that you've developed a bond with, friendship seems like a decent compromise. You try to put the hurt behind you and reolve to move forward platonically with your ex like nothing ever happened. You try to be supportive and witty. You listen to their problems - even when those problems may involvetheir new romantic interests. You go out of your way to demonstrate that you're trustworthy and you try to be the best friend possible- no matter what that entails, and everything works out perfectly all of the time.

Or not so much at all.

The uncomfortable truth is that it's simply not possible to create or maintain a purely platonic friendship with your ex after a breakup. You may be gung-ho about giving it your absolute best effort, but certain factors that come into play are simply out of your control. A breakup goes one of two ways - and each of the possible scenarios brings its own set of hurdles to the table that make the possibility of a friendship insurmountable.

If you're the person who ultimately chose to end your relationship, you can safely assume that your ex still has romantic feelings for you - even if they deny it or don't recognize it themselves. There is only one reason that your ex is willing to be your friend, and you most likely already know what it is. They want to get back together with you. Your ex feels (perhaps reasonably, by their standards) that the only way they stand a chance is to keep you in their line of sight, and that eventually you'll recognize the error of your ways and suddenly want to get back together.

If, on the other hand, your ex is the one that broke up with you, it's a whole different story - and you know the truth behind your motivations already, don't you? You know, more than anyone how you truly feel. It's highly likely that you found yourself at a loss when the relationship ended. When your ex dumped you, you didn't know where to turn - and friendship (at the time) at least seemed like a viable option. You thought that if you were patient enough, your ex would come running back to you. It didn't work out that way, did it?

No matter which option defines your unique set of circumstances, it is absolutely impossible to disentangle yourself from this mess without one or both of you getting even more hurt. No relationship ends with both parties fully agreeing to go their separate ways without a moment's pause. When a relationship ends, one or both parties feel rejected, pushed aside and left behind. That's why a friendship is a good idea in theory - but simply isn't possible in practice.

If You Want to Renew your Romance, is Friendship the Way to Accomplish It?

Honesty is an integral part of the process if you want to get your ex back romantically. What are you truly after? Are you interested in getting another drinking buddy? Are you pretty short on friends, so you're interested in adding another to the roster? Or are you clinging to your former relationship with both hands because you're just not ready to let go quite yet? If you want to win back your ex, you first have to recognize the truth about what you want before those desires can be translated into reality.

Now that you've come to terms with what you want, you're ready to do something about it. That something, however, is NOT pretending to go along with the platonic "friends" route. You don't want to give yourself front-row seats to watch your ex move on or start dating other people. You don't want to be their idea/sounding board for problems they encounter in another relationship. Most of all, you don't want your ex to start seeing you only as a friend - and nothing more. There's a reason that the "friend zone" is considered in most circles to be an honorary four-letter word. Once you reach that point in a friendship with your ex, it's almost impossible to recover from it and reconnect a romance.

What's Next?

Now that you know that friendship with an ex isn't the best idea if you want to win your ex back, what should you be doing? Well, there are a few different things that will make a reconciliation with your ex possible. First of all, you need to avoid the most humiliating break up mistakes that we are all guilty of after a break up. You probably don't think that you are doing anything wrong, but once you start to look at things from your ex's perspective, you will understand how unattractive it is to your ex.

You also need to look out for the signs your ex likes you. They will be giving off certain cues to you subconsciously that they are not even aware of. Spot these and you will know where you really stand.