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Does Friendship With An Ex Work? - Think Again
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Does Friendship With An Ex Work?  -  Think Again

Losing an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend is never an easy process, no matter how the breakup comes about. It separates two people that once shared an intimate connection - and that connection supersedes the purely romantic aspects - it translates to a friendship as well. Because of that sense of extra-loss, a lot of people try to begin and/or maintain a friendship with their ex. Friendship with an ex rarely works out, however, and it generally only causes more pain later on down the line - or can it actually work out positively?

It's true that a friendship with your ex could seem to be in your best interest - at least at first. The two of you can stay in touch, so the contact doesn't have to automatically end just because the relationship did. Since you're still talking regularly, neither of you has the time to miss the other person - and missing someone that you used to share a relationship with is one of the hardest parts surrounding breakups entirely. In fact, for awhile things can seem like they're back to normal - in the best case scenario, you can even hang out and act like real friends - but these benefits are only temporary.

The ground becomes even muddier when you go back to the beginning and realize that you and your ex were friends prior to ever entering into a romantic entanglement. If you started out as friends, why can't you go back to being friends after a breakup? You often try to rationalize the situation in your mind. You tell yourself that there's no reason to throw away a perfectly good friendship over a failed romance. Why waste all the work you've put in?

Friendship is common after a breakup. It's a natural buffer zone between a romantic relationship and a void where that person used to be. Most people go through the transition simply acting like nothing happened at all. They go right into the supportive, caring platonic partner. They ask for and give advice - even if that means enduring their ex's new romances. What else would a friend be for, right?

Wrong. Absolutely, painfully wrong.

As painful as it may be to hear (and even more painful to accept) being friends of a purely platonic nature with your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is not possible. You're well aware that not everything is purely under your control, and outside factors will chip away at the friendship foundation from the moment it begins through the moment it falls apart around you. When a breakup happens, it almost always goes one of two ways:

Way number one: You are the one that ended the relationship. If that's the case, then you need to come to the understanding that your ex's feelings and emotions regarding you did not cease to exist just because the relationship still ended. If they've agreed to be your friend, they have a hidden agenda that they're not letting you in on. They want to get back together - and they see a friendship as a simple means to an end.

Way number two: If your ex called the relationship off and left you in the dust, you already know the score, don't you? You know how you feel. You may be able to hide the truth from your ex for now, but that subterfuge is not going to exist indefinitely. Eventually they're going to find out that you have another plan in the works to get them back romantically. Once they figure it out, the jig is up. They're going to head for the hills, and you're going to be left with a world of hurt, since your only option has vanished without a trace - just like your relationship did.

Whether you or your ex took the initiative to end the relationship, someone is going to get hurt from the continued friendship after the fact. Someone ultimately had to make the decision to leave the relationship behind, and someone is going to have to recognize that a friendship isn't working out any better. Once that realization kicks in, the hurt is going to be compounded tenfold - and one or both of you is heading for an emotional breakdown.

If a Friendship is Already Underway, Have you Lost Your Chance For Good?

If you and your ex are already friends, don't lose hope. It's not too late to turn things around, but right now you need to take definitive action to move the ball into your court. That means that you have to take steps to distance yourself from the friendship - immediately. There are ways to detach from an existing friendship that can work out in your favor and give you the upper hand.

A friendship is simply not a viable way to win an ex back into a romantic relationship. It causes too much damage and can actually carry you too far in the opposite direction to recover. The key right now is to be honest - perhaps brutally so. If your ex maintains that they want a friendship with you and nothing more, tell them the truth. Tell them that you love them too much to demean your feelings by pretending to be something you're not - even if that means no longer being a part of their lives.

Once you've dropped that bombshell, your ex is going to be coming to an uncomfortable realization. They can either continue the breakup (and risk losing you) or they can start to reconsider their reasons for breaking up with you in the first place. It's not going to be a comfortable position for them to be in - and they're going to have to do some serious thinking before ultimately coming to a decision - and it's most likely going to be a decision in your favor.

What's Next?

So, does friendship with an ex work? Hopefully you now see that it is a lost cause if you want to win them back. If you want to win your ex back there are a few things that you need to do first. Getting contact with your ex right is essential if you want to create mystery and desire again. If you don't do it properly then you will only put them off.

There are also loads of break up mistakes that need to be avoided if you want your ex to see you in a romantic light again. Truth is, loads of people are doing these same things subconsciously and have no idea that they are damaging their chances.


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