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friend zone
unnecessary strain
mature adults
clean break
little voice
second chance
scars
just friends
compromise
feelings
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Ex Boyfriend Wants To Be Friends - Is It A Good Idea?
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Ex Boyfriend Wants To Be Friends  -  Is It A Good Idea?

At one point in your dating past, you have probably heard the "lets be friends" speech. It sounds strange, doesn't it? This person that you were probably imagining a future with now wants to put you in the friend zone. Isn't dealing with an unwanted breakup hard enough without having to deal with continued contact from your ex because he wants to be friends? Some people can make this friendship work - they hang out, talk consistently and email each other all the time. Maybe some people are just better off as friends. They have things in common that spark a friendship, but when they try to date they just end up fighting. Why not give friendship with your ex a chance? It's safe to say you're both mature adults and you both know where you stand - so why not give friendship a chance.

Post Break Up Friendship Isn't Healthy

There are several reasons why an immediate friendship with your ex isn't plausible or healthy - for either one of you. If you still have feelings for your ex, friendship isn't exactly what you have in mind, is it? Remaining friends after a breakup often indicates that one or more of you isn't completely over the relationship, and you're unwilling to let it go. If that's the case, you're always going to be hoping for something more. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you're "just friends" that little voice will always be rolling around in your head hoping for a sign that it could develop into something more than friendship. If you dumped him, however, he's always going to be the one hoping for a second chance. No one gets out of a breakup without any scars to show for it. It's never a completely clean break where no one gets hurt. The party that felt the pain is going to be the one that can put unnecessary strain on your "friendship".

Friendship can seem like an easy road after a rocky breakup period. It's like a compromise. You don't have to completely disappear from each other's lives and start over. You don't have to miss each other, and you can still keep in contact. Best of all, you don't have to waste all the time you spend together fighting like you did when you were together. There are no expectations to be shattered, and no obligations to be filled. That means no complications, right? Not so much. On paper it may seem that way, but the reality is much different.

One Thing Can Lead To Another

The reality is that your problems won't just automatically disappear because you're no longer dating. Hanging out can seem fun for awhile, but it's only on the surface. One or both of you may long for that physical connection again. It's only natural that those thoughts may arise while you're hanging out at his place after a few drinks and catching a movie on TV. Why not? You two certainly had no problems physically when you were together, so why would now be any different? The problem is that sleeping with an ex triggers emotional attachment whether you want it or not. No matter how much fun you have when it's happening, when he doesn't call you a few days later you're probably going to feel used. You're not going to be satisfied if he treats you like a friend after that happens, are you?

How will you feel if he finds someone new?

What happens when one or both of you start seeing someone new? Even if your friendship seems fine and both of you are getting along famously, what happens when he becomes interested in someone else? Will you see him as much as you did when he was still single? Will he introduce you to his new love interest? Will it be awkward? Will you feel jealous when he starts spending more time with her and you get left in the dust? Of course you will. Watching your ex move on while you're still missing him is a recipe for disaster and can cause you unnecessary pain all over again.

What happens if you're the one that starts dating again? Will you feel comfortable introducing your new guy to your ex? Do you tell your new man all the details? He may not be as understanding of the situation as you'd like. How would you feel if your new fling was still spending a lot of time with someone they used to be intimate with. Guys are naturally possessive creatures, and they don't like the idea of sharing - no matter how platonic the friendship may be.

If you want more then don't settle for friendship

If you're looking to rekindle your romance with your ex, friendship may seem like a convenient first step. It lets you maintain the connection with your ex without all the sticky problems that caused you to break up in the first place while you're plotting on how best to win him back. You can keep tabs on him and know what's going on in his life until you come up with that perfect way to get him back, right? I wish it were that simple.

Being friends with someone that you're still in love with can be much more emotionally draining than the breakup was. All it does is enable your ex to lead you on while he actively examines the other options available to him. He is free to see anyone he likes, free to date and sleep with anyone he likes, and you're expected to just sit back and cheer him on while he explores his single life to the fullest. No thanks.

Getting your ex back with a mock "friendship" won't work. It will hurt you and cause you unnecessary pain and disappointment. The key to getting him back is to break out of your past patterns and create a whole new environment where he's left with no option but to chase after you. Being friends with him get in the way of this process. You're never going to be able to get him back as long as you're stuck in the "friend zone". The longer you stay in that zone the harder it is to get out of - if getting out of it is even possible at all.

Don't ever give up what you want for a poor substitution just because you think it's all you can have. Fight for what you want. Make him desire you again. Make him miss you and think about you until he can't wait to have you back again. Beginning a friendship with your ex is simply driving down a dead-end street that leads you nowhere.

Next Steps

The important thing to do is to create a workable plan of attack to show him your potential as a girlfriend. Make him feel attraction again, and interest him by playing into his desire. Once you know the secrets to his psyche, it's not as hard as you may think.

Before you go any further, you should find out if he has any interest for you left. If he simply isn't interested, it's best for both of you to just move on. If he is, you're in a much better position to get him back than you were before. There are specific signs he still likes you and you need to identify them to know where you stand.


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