Friends Or Just Friends
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Friends Or Just Friends

The Secret

There is one fundamental rule which governs all friendships and that is the virtue of confidentiality, if any man seeks to be the friend of another then by all means; above all things he is expected to learn the art of 'keeping a secret'. We as humans have an untamed and primitive desire to feel wanted, needed and appreciated, hardly can a day pass without us wanting a pat on the back or recognition and inclusion. Researchers have discovered that a new born babe without the loving and caring hands of an adult, can easily succumb to the disease of marasme, and can eventually die. If we are entrusted by our friends with information which they chose to disclose because of our relationship with them, then we must be mindful of the fact that they confided in us not to prove how important we are, neither for us to show to others how important we are to them. Rather; they are expressing trust and confidence, trust which they hope we will not betray, and confidence they hope we will not take for granted.

Acceptance

We are creatures of habit, and we crave for comfort zones; areas and places where we are most comfortable and we can truly express ourselves. As a result we are often tested by our friends to see whether we will make a little compromise and create a little space, or give up some of our comforts so that they might be comfortable as well. As the saying goes; this calls for a little give and take, and we must be able to accept some of the shortcomings of our comrades as much as we expect them to accept some of ours. Faults are either naturally inherited or adopted, what we must embrace and harness is the true character and mannerisms of our counterparts, looking beyond their faults and seeing only the need which we all possess, to be respected just for being who we are. With friends we are expected to exercise a higher level of tolerance, but this is done with the understanding that the tolerance should not be seen as a form of weakness, and as an outlet for one to display any level of indiscretion. True acceptance comes in the form of humility and a posture of being self sacrificial; where one is not afraid or ashamed of accepting openly one's mistakes and accepts criticism in a spirit of joviality and mirth.

Cards on the table

The quickest and easiest way to disrupt any relationship is to be dishonest about yourself and any excess baggage you may carry, it is so much better in the incipient stages, to lay your cards on the table; tell it like it is. Do not wait until an argument arises or some challenge presents itself, then to reveal or display a trait or a past experience which may invariably negatively affect the situation, and exacerbate what may have already been a volatile situation. Being open upfront and laying it on the line early really sets the standard for the future, therefore if both parties have cleared the air on likes and dislikes, and have laid a foundation based on openness and mutual concessions, then dealing with challenges in the future becomes easier and manageable. Our main focus has to be on the state and the condition of the relationship, if the friendship must survive and be fulfilling to both parties then there must be 100 plus 100, friends are never selfish but rather bent on giving in the best interest of we not I.

Finally

In closing, there is within each of us a desire to socialize and to be involved, we love the spotlight especially when our names are mentioned and we are applauded for we may have done, in the relationship one should not try to be the hero as much as one should strive to be honest. When you are trusted you are placed in a position of responsibility and accountability, do not attempt to do more than you are expected to, do not attempt to exceed expectations. You are only human don't be afraid of failure or errors, they will occur, but when they do please be humble and say you are sorry; be repentant and then move on looking forward to the next hurdle with the same attitude as usual. Learn from those trying times and gauge carefully the actions and reactions of your friend, note and remember how they manage themselves and their emotions, this is the time that the true self rises to the surface, it is instructive to also recall how you postured yourself as well. So my friend if you cherish your relationship, please take the time needed to nurture and nourish the time spent, live each day in appreciation like it's the last, live endlessly and give readily. You maybe be more vulnerable or hurt more easily, but if that didn't happen then it was not worth it, true love really hurts and in the end makes you and your friend stronger; better.


Street Talk

Vernon L  

WOW! I like the part about we should strive to be honest and not a hero. That's deep. This is an excellent article Andy!

Reply
  about 8 years ago

Thanks pal glad you liked it.

Reply
  about 8 years ago
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