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romantic relationship
tumultuous time
breakups
future life
large portion
first date
free time
isolation
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Friends With My Ex - Is It A Good Idea?
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Friends With My Ex  -  Is It A Good Idea?

Your romantic relationship has come to an end, and it's time for the two of you to part ways. The prospect is easier said than done, however, and a lot of people find the process of truly separating in every way nearly impossible to imagine. This is someone that you shared things with, someone you trusted and envisioned a future life with, so saying goodbye can seem nearly unfathomable. Truthfully, however, parting ways ends up being beneficial to you both - and can save you a lot of long-term hurt that can pop up when you least expect it.

The number one fear when faced with a breakup is the complete feeling of isolation afterwards. You spent a large portion of your free time together, you were each other's go-to support network, and that other person is suddenly gone. It leaves a big, gaping hole in your life that is begging to be filled. That's one reason why friendship with an ex is so attractive to so many people. It negates that isolation and can even be so realistic that it feels like the breakup wasn't real. You're still talking and doing things together, so what's changed except a label?

You and your ex may have started out as friends before you ever imagined a dating relationship. Eventually you shifted from friendship to something more. Therefore the idea of simply switching back to a friendship is more attractive than simply saying goodbye. It's comfortable and you may feel like you already know what to expect. It gives you an added level of security in a deeply uncomfortable and tumultuous time.

For a while, things go according to plan. You and your ex move past the awkward initial phases to a lasting, deep communication. You share and sympathize with each other's dating woes. Maybe you help your ex pick out the perfect first date outfit or location, and you share a beer when it inevitably falls apart. No matter what is thrown at you, you met the challenge head-on and you figure that if things keep on this way, you have nothing to lose.

Breakups inevitably come down to one of two directions, and a friendship springing from that breakup is likewise going to take one of two distinct paths. No matter how much you try to avoid the reality of the breakup, these eventualities are going to catch up with you and with your ex. Depending on how the breakup ended up, a few scenarios are unfortunately destined to take place.

You Brought the Relationship to an End:

If you called things off on a romantic level, your ex is still seeing you as a partner, and they believe that they still have the potential to change your mind about your romance. A friendship gives them the freedom to stick around, and is a built-in excuse that can enable them to remain in your life indefinitely, waiting for a clear moment to make a move. Ultimately, they're looking to revamp your romantic relationship. The friendship is just a smokescreen covering up their end goal.

They Ended Things with You:

If they're the one that called things off, you already know where you stand. No amount of denial is going to change the fact that you secretly want your relationship back, even though think that you hide it well. Your ex may be completely oblivious to your hidden agenda, but it's not going to be hidden forever. Eventually, you'll have to either make a move or give up on your dream entirely and that's when all the dirty laundry is going to be aired out in the open.

A friendship with your ex is a convenient excuse to keep an ex in your life indefinitely. Saying goodbye and going your separate ways is difficult, no matter which side of the breakup you were on. It's like having a safety net that keeps you from falling flat on your face. The person that left gets something to hold onto until they find a replacement, and the person who was dumped gets a lifeline to cling to in the hopes that they can turn the tide and ultimately get their relationship back on track. Either way, it's a recipe for disaster and one of you is unfortunately going to get hurt.

Can Friendship Lead to Romance?

There's a very specific reason that the term "friend zone" is considered in many circles to be a dirty word. If you've been demoted to a friend position rather than a romantic interest, you're going to realize that it's a nearly impossible challenge to try and claw your way back out. You're simply not in the romantic running right now, and if you continue this path to its completion it's never going to change.

Unless you start to reverse the process now, you're going to be stuck here forever. Sure, things may seem to be swimming along beautifully now, but just imagine how you're going to feel when they start gushing over someone new. Meanwhile, you're relegated to the sidelines where you're expected to be happy for their newfound love and support them in a new relationship - even though you want to be in that position.

Friendship In Progress:

If you and your ex are already enmeshed in a friendship role, breaking out of it is going to take some serious honesty and some equally serious dedication on your part. You need to bite the bullet sooner rather than later and have a conversation with your ex that could be potentially hard to take. Honesty is your best policy here, and the longer you put it off, the less likely it is that your honesty is going to wind up making an impact one way or another.

Believe it or not, honesty can get you a lot farther than you may think. Telling your ex that you care too much for them to pretend to be something you're not may not go over well at first, but eventually they're going to have to respect you for coming forward. Once you've had the conversation and actively worked on separating yourself from the friend role, something is going to become obvious. A choice is going to have to be made, and if they don't want to risk losing you entirely, they're going to have to see you as potentially more than just a friend again.

What To Do Next

Are you still thinking that being friends with your ex is a wise choice? Not if you want to get back together with them. Fortunately there are things that you can do to speed up the reconciliation process and they are all centred on human psychology. It is time for you to read up on why you were dumped. If you can see things from your ex's perspective you have a much better chance of making yourself more appealing to them again.

There are also some effective win your ex back techniques that you should start to employ today. Arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible to give you the confidence to proceed, then you can start working out if you have a chance with your ex again when they give off signs they still love you after the breakup.


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