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Is It A Good Idea To Be Friends With Your Ex? - The Truth
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Is It A Good Idea To Be Friends With Your Ex?  -  The Truth

It's completely normal to want to avoid the pain of not only losing your relationship, but losing a close friend as well. The idea of walking away from your ex entirely can be a daunting one. You've invested so much in this other person, and they know you better than most. A lot of people try to hold on to the past by developing a friendship with their exes - but the reality of being friends with your ex can lead to disaster down the road and heartbreak that you may have never seen coming.

That's not to say that staying in a friendship with an ex doesn't come with certain benefits - at least at first glance. You don't have to deal with the potentially agonizing feeling of missing that other person who was such a large part of your life. Things can almost seem like they're getting back to the way they used to be - you can keep in touch, and don't have to make an effort to avoid them completely. You may even have a built-in activity partner if you feel like getting out of the house.

Maybe the reality is that you simply don't want to have to start over. Facing things that are frightening or uncomfortable are often avoided at all costs. Things become even more complicated when a friendship is simply a return to the way things used to be. If you started out as friends before you ever imagined dating, going back to it may seem like a significant safety net. The reality, however, is that the safety net of friendship is one that is going to fail you eventually - it may not be immediately, but things will eventually fall apart and the fall is going to be worse after time than it would have been initially.

It may seem easy at first. You talk occasionally and try to be the good, supportive friend that you know you can be. You are overjoyed when your ex meets a potential new love, and you're there to pick up the pieces when that rebound relationship falls to pieces. You listen to them rant about work or their other friends, and you do your best to be as supportive as possible - no matter what kind of problems they come to you with.

Life is rarely easy. Everyone faces significant challenges and they usually turn to their friends and support networks as needed for help when these problems arise. The problem with being friends with your ex is that this support often comes with strings attached, and that the baggage associated with a failed romance cannot stay hidden forever.

If you ended the relationship, your ex inevitably still has a romantic feeling for you - even if they adamantly deny them to your face. When faced with the end of a romantic relationship, most people will agree to a platonic relationship on the off-chance that they will get another chance. Ultimately, they're not interested in a simple friendship - they're looking for a way back into your heart, and they will not be satisfied until they get it.

If your ex is the one that walked away, however, you probably agreed to stay friends because you acknowledge that your feelings for them are still strong, and often overpowering. Sometimes it's easy to shove those feelings back down where you don't have to deal with them. Sometimes it's simply not. You're probably hoping for another shot at a real relationship, but while you're weighing your options, a friendship seems like a viable alternative. It allows you to remain an active part of their life without repeatedly banging them over the head with your ultimate goal.

What purpose does a friendship with your ex have right now? Is it simply a way to make sure that the two of you keep in touch so you don't have to face the reality of saying goodbye? Is it a means to an end where you hope the two of you can deal with your differences and rebuild a romance? Is it just a backup parachute in case your main plan doesn't work out quite right? Either you're keeping your ex hanging just in case you eventually change your mind, or you're clinging to something desperately hoping for another chance. Either way, one of you is going to end up with some serious heartache no matter how carefully you try to avoid the inevitable.

What if You Want Your Ex Back?

If you only agreed to stay friends thinking that it would eventually lead you back around to a romance, you're headed down the wrong road. It's time to simply face the music and admit to yourself the truth of your own emotions. Things are not always how they seem, and you're probably more aware of that than most. Once you've come to terms with how you really feel, it's time to take a good look at where you are compared to where you want to be.

Friendship is not going to lead you to a romance, even if that's how the two of you started off initially. All you're going to do is end up as a purely platonic person in your ex's eyes, and they're not going to see you as a realistic romantic candidate. Ironically, staying friends long-term can effectively ruin your chances for romance, and you're going to have to plaster a fake smile on your face every time they meet someone new.

If You Have Already Agreed:

If you've already agreed to remain friends, it doesn't have to mean that it's time to throw in the towel and give up. The key thing to do now is to learn detachment. It's the only way that your ex is going to see you as a potential romantic partner again, and it's overall going to be far healthier for both of you, no matter how things turn out. Your focus now should be on rekindling the initial attraction that drew the two of you together initially and to turn that heat back into a productive and healthy relationship instead of simply remaining on the sidelines.

Friendship with an ex is only going to work if neither of you have hopes of getting back together eventually. It's important to remain open to your own feelings and to convey those honestly to your ex - even if it means undergoing some potentially awkward situations. It is better to face the reality now than try to push it off indefinitely - only to have it crop back up and take a definite turn for the worst.

What To Do Next

When you are dumped it can be incredibly difficult to think straight. That is why you have to arm yourself with as much information as possible about the psychology of the opposite sex. The first thing that you need to understand is why you were dumped by your ex. If you don't understand this then getting your ex back will be almost impossible.


Street Talk

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