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Remaining Friends With Your Ex - Is It Wise?
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Remaining Friends With Your Ex  -  Is It Wise?

The end of a relationship is usually complete with unimaginable pain and a sense of tremendous loss. You desperately want to cling to anything that could act as a Band Aid to your hurt and accepting your ex's offer of friendship seems like it could be a useful anesthetic. The problem with friendship between exes is monumental, and can end up making the pain of a breakup even worse. In order to spare yourself the further anguish, it's best to simply cut your losses and make the decision to move on alone.

A breakup is a huge loss in anyone's life. The person that you depended on and turned to first left a big empty spot where your support network is supposed to be. That loss is what directly contributes to the idea that staying friends can be beneficial, despite the dangers. It puts that sense of loss on hold indefinitely and can act like a tranquilizer to the reality of the breakup entirely. The problem is that the quick fix you have in mind never lasts, and it can be worse in the long run than just dealing with it up front.

If you and your ex were friends prior to the start of your romance, falling back into familiar roles can seem easy and natural. It seems like a waste of resources to give up on a friendship just because your romance came to an end. Friendships are a long-term investment, and it can seem easier to simply continue a relationship platonically rather than abandon it altogether.

Friendship may be something that you've got a handle on - at least under normal circumstances. You like to be supportive, and you give advice like no one else. You reach out when necessary and try to be impartial to no matter what situations arise - even if it means shoving your own residual feelings down should they happen to crop up unexpectedly.

Being friends with an ex comes with its own set of problems - no matter how you try and slice it and avoid the obvious. No matter how the breakup went down, it's one of two options - and each of those possibilities comes with its own, unique set of problems that are often difficult to face in reality.

Your Ex Left you: If your ex is the one who ultimately made the decision to end your relationship, you're still extremely conflicted internally. You still have very strong feelings for this person, and you don't want to have to say goodbye for good. That means agreeing to a friendship - even though being your ex's friend is the last thing in the world that you want. You want your romance back, and nothing short of that is going to be satisfactory to you, and ultimately that goal is going to come out in the open.

You Left Them: If you're the one that decided that your romantic relationship should come to an end, your ex is in an extremely difficult position. They still love you, they still feel romantically attached to you, and they probably didn't want the breakup to happen at all. Everything they do is going to be motivated by the desire to regain your love in much more than a friendly kind of way. No matter which way you turn, the pressure to give in is going to linger until it becomes an explosive situation that is potentially going to damage you both.

No matter who was ultimately responsible for the breakup, maintaining a friendship under either set of false pretenses is going to lead to some inevitable hurt down the road. One of you got hurt when the relationship ended, and either one or both of you is going to be hurt again when the friendship crashes and burns - which it is almost certain to do.

Can Friendship Be a Step on the Road to a Relationship?

Hoping that a friendship will eventually lead you back to a romantic relationship with an ex is simply that - a hope. It's not likely to happen that way. If a relationship is sincerely what you want, then you're going to have to take some steps to make that happen and not pin all your hopes on an unlikely chance that has little chance of getting you anywhere.

There are things you can do to get your ex back, but all of them require some definite action on your part - not complacently agreeing to a friendship hoping that it will eventually lead to more. Speaking from reality and experience, exes who try to remain friends don't often (if ever) end up back together. In fact, agreeing to a friendship can be the final nail in the coffin to guarantee that you DON'T have another shot with your ex; not now, and probably not in the future either.

We're Already Friends - Is it Too Late?

Now is not the time to just give up on your feelings and regret not making a move sooner. In fact, you may just be in a better position than you dared imagine. While your ex may see you as a friend right now, it doesn't have to stay that way - at least not if you're willing to make some bold moves to force their perception into a different field. It's not too late to make them start remembering how good things used to be and to bring all of those old feelings to light again.

If you're looking to reconnect romantically, a friendship is simply not a realistic way to go about it. While it may be scary in the immediate present, being honest about how you really feel is imperative to your overall chances of winning them back. After all, you owe honesty to yourself as well. You can't see faking a friendship indefinitely if you really want them back - and ultimately it's not going to do either of you any good. Make it clear that there are only two options that you see on the table. If they're not willing to consider a relationship again, they stand to lose you entirely - and that is most likely something that they either never saw coming - or that they're ultimately not willing to risk.

What To Do Next

Remaining friends with your ex after the break up is fraught with complications. It can only work if both of you have moved on and there are no romantic inclinations there. Alternatively, if you DO want to win your ex back there are things that you can do. You need to know about contact with your ex and how that can either make or break a reconciliation. Another useful tool in your arsenal would be to stay away from these break up mistakes. Lots of people make these faux pas without even realising how damaging they can be.


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