This Article is About
long term investment
staying friends
sense of loss
being friends
Remaining Friends With Your Ex - Is It Wise?
Join 1000's of Authors at StreetArticles Today!

Remaining Friends With Your Ex  -  Is It Wise?

The end of a relationship is usually complete with unimaginable pain and a sense of tremendous loss. You desperately want to cling to anything that could act as a Band Aid to your hurt and accepting your ex's offer of friendship seems like it could be a useful anesthetic. The problem with friendship between exes is monumental, and can end up making the pain of a breakup even worse. In order to spare yourself the further anguish, it's best to simply cut your losses and make the decision to move on alone.

A breakup is a huge loss in anyone's life. The person that you depended on and turned to first left a big empty spot where your support network is supposed to be. That loss is what directly contributes to the idea that staying friends can be beneficial, despite the dangers. It puts that sense of loss on hold indefinitely and can act like a tranquilizer to the reality of the breakup entirely. The problem is that the quick fix you have in mind never lasts, and it can be worse in the long run than just dealing with it up front.

If you and your ex were friends prior to the start of your romance, falling back into familiar roles can seem easy and natural. It seems like a waste of resources to give up on a friendship just because your romance came to an end. Friendships are a long-term investment, and it can seem easier to simply continue a relationship platonically rather than abandon it altogether.

Friendship may be something that you've got a handle on - at least under normal circumstances. You like to be supportive, and you give advice like no one else. You reach out when necessary and try to be impartial to no matter what situations arise - even if it means shoving your own residual feelings down should they happen to crop up unexpectedly.

Being friends with an ex comes with its own set of problems - no matter how you try and slice it and avoid the obvious. No matter how the breakup went down, it's one of two options - and each of those possibilities comes with its own, unique set of problems that are often difficult to face in reality.

Your Ex Left you: If your ex is the one who ultimately made the decision to end your relationship, you're still extremely conflicted internally. You still have very strong feelings for this person, and you don't want to have to say goodbye for good. That means agreeing to a friendship - even though being your ex's friend is the last thing in the world that you want. You want your romance back, and nothing short of that is going to be satisfactory to you, and ultimately that goal is going to come out in the open.

You Left Them: If you're the one that decided that your romantic relationship should come to an end, your ex is in an extremely difficult position. They still love you, they still feel romantically attached to you, and they probably didn't want the breakup to happen at all. Everything they do is going to be motivated by the desire to regain your love in much more than a friendly kind of way. No matter which way you turn, the pressure to give in is going to linger until it becomes an explosive situation that is potentially going to damage you both.

No matter who was ultimately responsible for the breakup, maintaining a friendship under either set of false pretenses is going to lead to some inevitable hurt down the road. One of you got hurt when the relationship ended, and either one or both of you is going to be hurt again when the friendship crashes and burns - which it is almost certain to do.

Can Friendship Be a Step on the Road to a Relationship?

Hoping that a friendship will eventually lead you back to a romantic relationship with an ex is simply that - a hope. It's not likely to happen that way. If a relationship is sincerely what you want, then you're going to have to take some steps to make that happen and not pin all your hopes on an unlikely chance that has little chance of getting you anywhere.

There are things you can do to get your ex back, but all of them require some definite action on your part - not complacently agreeing to a friendship hoping that it will eventually lead to more. Speaking from reality and experience, exes who try to remain friends don't often (if ever) end up back together. In fact, agreeing to a friendship can be the final nail in the coffin to guarantee that you DON'T have another shot with your ex; not now, and probably not in the future either.

We're Already Friends - Is it Too Late?

Now is not the time to just give up on your feelings and regret not making a move sooner. In fact, you may just be in a better position than you dared imagine. While your ex may see you as a friend right now, it doesn't have to stay that way - at least not if you're willing to make some bold moves to force their perception into a different field. It's not too late to make them start remembering how good things used to be and to bring all of those old feelings to light again.

If you're looking to reconnect romantically, a friendship is simply not a realistic way to go about it. While it may be scary in the immediate present, being honest about how you really feel is imperative to your overall chances of winning them back. After all, you owe honesty to yourself as well. You can't see faking a friendship indefinitely if you really want them back - and ultimately it's not going to do either of you any good. Make it clear that there are only two options that you see on the table. If they're not willing to consider a relationship again, they stand to lose you entirely - and that is most likely something that they either never saw coming - or that they're ultimately not willing to risk.

What To Do Next

Remaining friends with your ex after the break up is fraught with complications. It can only work if both of you have moved on and there are no romantic inclinations there. Alternatively, if you DO want to win your ex back there are things that you can do. You need to know about contact with your ex and how that can either make or break a reconciliation. Another useful tool in your arsenal would be to stay away from these break up mistakes. Lots of people make these faux pas without even realising how damaging they can be.

Street Talk

No comments present
You May Also Like
How to earn online
How to earn online – a personal testimony I know a ‘mature student’ who wishes to remain anonymous, who had invested a lot in his career. He has 4 degrees, among them an MBA and a PhD. He has a lot of experience and was accustomed to earning a very…
By: Jerry in  Internet and Businesses Online  >  Internet Marketing   May 10, 2011  
  Likes: 1

Wall Air Conditioner And 3 Other Tips to Beat the Summer Heat
It can be very torturing to have no wall air conditioner in your room during the summer night. The hot weather can make you feel so uncomfortable due to the heat and the perspiration of your body. You may experience sleepless nights and your day job can be at stake…
By: Jeff Boo in  Home Improvement  >  Heating and Air Conditioning   Dec 11, 2011  
  Likes: 0

Four Questions to Ask Yourself Before Buying A Digital Camera
Shopping for a new digital camera can be overwhelming. As with other forms of technology, cameras evolve quickly and more and more terms are being used to describe the plethora of features that today's sophisticated digital cameras have. Before getting caught up in the hype about the latest features, take…
By: Marie Schramke in  Arts and Entertainment  >  Photography   Dec 08, 2011  
  Likes: 3

Rent To Own - Is It Cheaper To Rent Or Own?
One of the questions that keeps arising in today's real estate market from buyers is: it cheaper to rent a place to live than it is to own? That question is particularly important when there seems to be no end to the slippery-slide of declining home values. While there is…
By: U Got Christina in  Real Estate   Jun 05, 2011  
  Likes: 0

Gold Vs Silver: Which Is The Better Investment
Should you buy gold or silver If you’d bought 1ounce of gold 10 years ago you would have paid less than $300, today's gold price is over $1600. In 2006 1ounce of silver would buy over 4 gallons of gasoline, today it will buy over 10 gallons. It seems evident…
By: Penny Black in  Investing   Apr 13, 2012  
  Likes: 5

Best Ways to Make Money Online - The Tip Of the Ice Berg
Some of the best ways to make money online are often overlooked. The Internet is proving to be one of the most powerful tools ever made. Not only as an information platform but also as a powerful money- making machine. Don't think of using it as a way of just…
By: Greg Rogers in  Internet and Businesses Online  >  Internet Marketing   Jan 22, 2012  
  Likes: 1

Buying Your Place In the Sun
So you have decided that you want to buy a vacation holiday home, perhaps you have just been on holiday somewhere and really liked the place and decided that something more permanent would be desirable. There could be a multitude of reasons for this, you have a young family and…
By: Innes Hutton in  Travel and Leisure  >  Vacation Homes   Aug 16, 2011  
  Likes: 0

New Mobile Telephone Critiques
From pros to novices, knowing how to invest correctly can help you make money in stocks. There is more to good results than buying at a low price and selling when the price is high. Keep reading this article to maximize your success in the stock market. Start your career…
By: Brian Walker in  Business   May 08, 2013  
  Likes: 0

Cost Of Solar Panels And the Savings they Can Make
When trying to analyze the costs of installing solar panels, you must make sure to include all the significant costs associated with it. Meaning, you should not only include the material and installation costs, but also the maintenance costs as well as the savings that it will make in the…
By: lee8 in  Home Improvement  >  Green Living   Jul 08, 2012  
  Likes: 0

Top 3 Tips To Buying A Digital Camera
When it comes to the market for cameras there are thousands of choices to select from. So many brands, so many different varieties, with vastly different capabilities and price ranges. Deciding to purchase one without a proper plan or target in mind will result in you either getting something that…
By: Craig Ferdinands in  Arts and Entertainment  >  Photography   Mar 13, 2011  
  Likes: 0

Smart Investing Made Easy- Finding Out Your Mutual Fund Performance
Through mutual funds, you are able to invest your money in order to secure a brighter future. There are several different aspects which need to be addressed before actually investing in any particular mutual fund. By reviewing a mutual fund performance, you will be able to judge the position of…
By: Don Meyer in  Investing  >  Mutual Funds   May 16, 2011  
  Likes: 1

Should I Still Be Friends With My Ex? - Think First!
Many romantic relationships end in heartbreak and frustration. The mixed feelings of hurt and betrayal are often conflicting with remaining feelings and a bond that refuses to crack simply because the romance has ended. Therefore the prospect of staying friends is often attractive. It gives you a chance to keep…
By: Charlotte Jane in  Relationships  >  Friendship   Nov 11, 2012  
  Likes: 2

Staying Friends With Your Ex - Is It A Good Idea?
You definitely want to do what's best for you right now. Everything has been turned upside down, and you are barely treading water. Everything that you built your hopes and dreams on has fallen apart and the partner you thought you could be certain of is now your ex. It's…
By:  in  Relationships  >  Friendship   Nov 10, 2012  
  Likes: 1

Why You Shouldn't Stay Friends With Your Ex After The Break Up

It was the least thing that you expected. The breakup caught you off guard to begin with - but being offered the second-place prize in regards to friendship was like an additional kick in the stomach. Is there a chance that a friendship with your ex could work out in…
By:  in  Relationships  >  Friendship   Jan 29, 2013  
  Likes: 0

Friends With Ex - The Advantages And Disadvantages
A big part of losing a relationship is losing the friendship that went along with it. Every couple bonds and forms a friendship, without friendship in the equation there can be no romance. If you and your ex had a deep friendship during the relationship you may be thinking that…
By:  in  Relationships  >  Friendship   Sep 13, 2012  
  Likes: 6

Article Views: 2014    Report this Article