This Article is About
staying friends
romantic relationships
mixed feelings
fact of the matter
heartbreak
betrayal
friendships
isolation
frustration
attempts
romance
fear
friendship
relationship
Should I Still Be Friends With My Ex? - Think First!
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Should I Still Be Friends With My Ex?  -  Think First!

Many romantic relationships end in heartbreak and frustration. The mixed feelings of hurt and betrayal are often conflicting with remaining feelings and a bond that refuses to crack simply because the romance has ended. Therefore the prospect of staying friends is often attractive. It gives you a chance to keep your ex active in your life and keeps the very real fear of isolation at bay. Friendships with an ex rarely end well, though, and can cause even further pain if they are attempted.

Moving on while still remaining friends with your ex is nearly impossible to do. Why would you move on when you can almost manage to pretend like the breakup happened at all? Sure, you're not physically close anymore, and things may seem a bit awkward at times, but underneath all of that is a core bond that still exists despite the breakup. You still talk often. You may even be able to spend time together and enjoy each other's company. Moving on can't happen when things are still somewhat the same as they were, and you're never going to be able to focus on yourself and your own life while you're still wrapped up in theirs.

If you and your ex started out as friends prior to dating, it's often easy to overlook the romance aspect of your relationship and simply try to get back to the basics of your own shared beginnings. What's the harm in going back to a time when things seemed simpler? There should be no reason why a friendship has to pay the price just because your relationship didn't work out the way you planned, right?

No matter how hard you try, the fact of the matter is that it is impossible for either you or your ex to be purely objective on the subject on each other and your shared past. That past is going to eventually crop up in your attempts to give your ex advice, or in their efforts to support you as well. Things are inevitably take a turn for the worse, and no matter how much you try to prepare yourself for that moment or hope for the best, it's going to catch you off-guard and put your new friendship and your history with your ex at a significant risk.

A breakup brings a lot of significant problems to light that usually would remain beneath the surface in a typical friendship where a lot of the baggage remains hidden. The two of you may be able to keep a lot of the negativity at bay for a brief time, but it is inevitably going to come spilling out sooner or later - and when it does, a lot of the flow is going to be influenced directly by the way the breakup went down.

If you were the one who dumped your ex, you're in for a world of mind games that are always potentially going to be right around the corner. Everything that your ex does in the guise of "friendship" is going to be a double-edged sword, and nothing is going to be easy. No matter how hard they try to convince you (or themselves) otherwise, they still have feelings for you and ultimately they're motivated by the desire to get back together.

If your ex is the one that ended the relationship and left you behind, you see friendship as a way of desperately hanging on to a person who no longer wants to be with you. Maybe you think that if you just stick it out long enough, they'll eventually change their minds about you - and about the relationship in general. Unfortunately, though, while initial friendships can blossom into relationships, a romantic attachment that has ended and become simply a friendship rarely turns back around into a new romance.

Your Next Steps

Do you now see that staying friends with your ex is a very difficult thing to do if one or other of you still are invested in your past relationship? You should now be thinking about how to get ex back in a productive way rather than hanging onto a fake friendship. One way for you to do this is to use Facebook techniques to make your ex see you in a romantic light again.

Contacting your ex after the break up is also crucial if you want to get them back. When you get this right your ex will be the one that is chasing you.


Street Talk

your article is great

Reply
  about 9 years ago

Interesting, I always found it better to just move on.

Reply
  about 9 years ago
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