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being friends
being a good listener
broken relationship
romantic relationship
fairy tale
negativity
heartache
disagreements
resentment
fallout
friendships
circumstance
What You Should Know About Being Friends With Your Ex
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What You Should Know About Being Friends With Your Ex

What could possibly be wrong with developing a friendship out of your broken relationship? Simply put, everything. Attempting a friendship could destroy the last vestiges of the bond that the two of you spent a lot of time putting together. It could crumble your remaining respect and turn into something full of resentment and pain. It's simply easier now to go your own way rather than take the risk of a friendship that will lead to much more negativity down the road.

No matter how attractive a friendship with your ex may seem on the surface, it's not worth the heartache that is simply going to be inevitable. Friendship has its benefits, and it's difficult to see past the pleasant aspects of keeping in touch and remaining close to see the potential landmines underneath. As tempting as it may seem to stay in touch and active in your ex's life, it's best to resist temptation and not have to deal with the fallout when it happens - and it's a certainty, not a possibility.

A lot of relationships begin as friendships initially - then one or more of the people involved develop deeper feelings and things eventually progress into something more. Because of that, the idea of a friendship surviving the ruins of a failed relationship seems even more appealing than normal. What could be the point of throwing a whole friendship away due to the fact that a romantic relationship happened to end?

Maybe you pride yourself on being a good listener, and your ex knows more than most how valuable that particular trait can be. They feel comfortable coming to you when it may not be easy to approach someone else with their particular problem or circumstance. You do your best to be objective and give them advice that can help them, without interjecting your own emotions or levying your interest into the equation.

Real life is not a magical fairy tale where everything always has a happy ending and people always get along. Friends don't always agree, and those disagreements that occur naturally are going to become even more pronounced. The baggage already associated with your friendship due to your previous romantic involvement is going to weigh heavily on your ability to stay friends, and the scale is going to tip decidedly in one of two directions, depending on what occurred during the breakup itself.

If you ended the relationship, you need to understand the reality of what's really going on in your ex's mind behind the brave front they want you to see. They see a friendship as a means to an end, and ultimately your ex wants to transition from simple friendship to a romantic relationship again. They want to get back together, and they're more than willing to do whatever it takes in the meantime to make sure that the two of you stay connected so that you don't walk away completely before they can put their plan into action.

If your ex is the one that broke up with you, you may be trying to duck and cover before you have to read any more. You already know the truth - all you can think about is getting back together, but you just don't know the right way to go about it. While you're waiting for the answer to magically appear, a friendship keeps you from losing your ex entirely. You can stay a part of each other's lives while you weigh your options and try to put a definitive plan into place.

Trying to make a friendship out of a romance is just asking for additional pain. It's a convenient excuse to keep your ex in your life or to try and gain the upper hand to make your relationship come to life again. When their ex refuses their advances or continues to be oblivious to their sometimes-blatant attempts, the feelings of rejection are often overwhelming. That leads to resentments, bad feelings and even more hurt overall.

Think About Your Options:

Is a friendship really what you're after here, or are you holding out some hope for something more? You probably aren't hurting for friends of the opposite sex - in fact, handful is usually plenty. Are you using the friendship to cling to the remnants of a failed relationship because you're simply unwilling to let go? If so, you need to understand that the concept of a friendship may seem plausible in theory, but it's much more difficult to put into practice - if not downright impossible.

If You Already Agreed to a Friendship:

If you're already in the middle of a post-breakup friendship with your ex, it's not too late to start turning things around and making a big move with a potentially huge payoff. You don't have to remain in the friend zone forever - and you haven't doomed yourself to a life of loneliness while they go off and date other people. It is possible to break the cycle, as long as you're willing to risk being honest - and not just giving in to whatever they say they want.

If you're realizing that a friendship is simply not what you had in mind when the two of you ended things, it's time to make a change. That means taking a good hard look at what you want - and the path that you need to take to get there. It's going to require some honesty, some vulnerability and a lot of openness, but none of those things are negative when it comes to a relationship. It's part of what draws people together overall, and the chances are good that your ex doesn't want to lose you - otherwise they wouldn't have stayed your friend in the first place.

What To Do Next

By now you hopefully realise that being friends with your ex is not a good idea if you want to get your ex back. There are more effective ways to go about this and they centre on learning about the psychology of the opposite sex. First off it is crucial that you understand why you were dumped, when you start seeing things from your ex's perspective you can put things right again. Learning how to go about contact with your ex after the break up is also vital. If you get this right your ex will be crazy about you again.


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  about 9 years ago
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