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Why You Shouldn't Stay Friends With Your Ex After The Break Up
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Why You Shouldn\'t Stay Friends With Your Ex After The Break Up


It was the least thing that you expected. The breakup caught you off guard to begin with - but being offered the second-place prize in regards to friendship was like an additional kick in the stomach. Is there a chance that a friendship with your ex could work out in a positive way, or is it simply destined to crumble like your relationship did? There are a lot of reasons why a friendship with your ex simply cannot work. A lot of people ignore these reasons and rush full-steam ahead. Unfortunately, that means that you're headed towards disaster. Staying friends with an ex ends up in a lot more hurt than you can imagine - and considering that you're already broken and hurting, that prospect is incredibly hard to imagine - but that doesn't make it any less true.

It's even worse if you don't see the breakup coming. In the end, it really doesn't matter if you or your ex dropped the axe on your relationship. A breakup is a whirlwind of emotion, and it inevitably leaves a lot of unanswered questions in its wake. Are you and your ex ever going to meet face to face again? Is there a chance that something can work out between you later on? Should you delete them from your phone forever? Should you remove them from Facebook? How are you expected to act - and do those expectations line up with what you want?

Being friends with a recent ex is completely impossible. It's not just a bad idea - it's an idea that can lead to a lot more pain in the end than the breakup did itself. Internally speaking, a friendship will encounter a world of problems. Will one or both of you be jealousy if the other person starts moving on? Will you resent your ex's success? Will they resent yours? In addition to internal problems, you'll encounter external problems at all. What if you meet someone new? What do you think they're going to say if you continue a relationship with your ex while you're simultaneously beginning something with them?

You and your ex shared an intimate, physical relationship. Once that boundary has been crossed, you can't uncross it. You can't go tiptoeing back and forth around lines drawn in the sand, no matter how hard you try. Normal friendships encounter their fair share of problems as well, and when you try to remain friends with your ex, those problems are compounded and expanded tenfold. One of you will always be thinking about a relationship again. One of you will be more attuned to their lingering emotions for the other person. Emotions don't stay pleasant and stagnant forever - they change. Over time, these residual emotions will start turning nasty - and there will be nothing you can do to prevent this from happening.

While you were together, your ex was like your best friend. Letting go of that bond is incredibly hard - if not impossible. That closeness, ironically, is going to be one of the main factors that make a friendship impossible to maintain. You can't wish away all of the knowledge that the two of you share for each other. Are you going to be okay with the idea of them seeing someone new? Will you be able to be fully supportive as they discover and create a whole new life for themselves? Can you shove your own feelings down in a closet somewhere and ignore them? How long? Lying to yourself is one thing - but how bad will it be to have to continually lie to your friend about your true feelings - as well as any future romantic partners you may throw into the mix?

If you decide to throw caution to the wind, you may find that being friends with your ex is all rainbows and butterflies - temporarily - until reality shows up. It can be relatively easy to make a friendship work for a few weeks - or even a few months - but that feeling of euphoria cannot last indefinitely. Everything is working against you, and although your instinct is to dig your heels in and try, your efforts are all going to be in vain. Things seem easy as pie - until you, your ex, or both of you start the gradual process of moving on. Then jealousy will rear its ugly head and turn things into a pool of negativity - one that is capable of drowning you and swallowing you whole unless you take drastic measures to avoid it before it even begins.

Sit down with yourself for just a moment, and be honest. Is friendship really what's on your agenda? Are you okay with watching your ex that you once shared an intimate, personal relationship with start the process with someone that is not you? Can you truly support them in their new romantic endeavors? If you're still in love with your ex despite the breakup, you're going to get your heart broken all over again - and this time may be worse than the first.

If you are hiding any desires to rebuild and reclaim your lost relationship, a friendship should be the furthest thing from your mind. A friendship isn't going to get you any closer to rebuilding that relationship - it's going to have the opposite effect and get you even farther away from your end goal, with little chance for recovery.

If you want to get your relationship back, you'll need to take action. The first thing you need to do is educate yourself on the different methods that can help you get your ex back - and not by going the friendship route. If you try to be friends, you're only inviting yourself into the friend zone - and once you're there, it's almost impossible to get back out. That is certainly not the end goal that you have in mind - but it's where you're headed if you try to be friends. Give yourself the best chance for success by putting a plan in place. Realize what needs to be done and when you need to do it. By timing your moves effectively and weighing all of your options, you're giving yourself a huge advantage in a long, time-consuming process - and you'll need every advantage you can get.

What's Next?

Just because you are not friends with your ex it doesn’t mean that you have to sit idly by and watch them disappear from your life. There are things that you should be doing behind the scenes to make your ex see you as a potential partner again. For example, you need to perfect contact with your ex to leave them wanting more and encourage them to pursue you.

Another vital tool in your arsenal would be to work out how your ex currently feels about you. You don’t just come out and ask them as you will look like a bit of a fool. There are other ways to delve into their psyche and work out what they are feeling though. These signs ex still likes you will help you to decipher these feelings. Good luck!


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