A woman's self-esteem is the ability to feel good about herself and the knowledge from the inside out that she is fine just the way she is, even though she is not perfect. Several factors cause a loss of self-esteem in women.

Why is it that some people, seem to believe only the best about themselves, while others, seize on the most self-critical thoughts they can come up with?

The author of The Female Brain, Louann Brizendine, MD, a neuropsychiatrist at the University of California, San Francisco has found that a part of the brain called the anterior cingulate cortex is the area of the brain that's responsible for negative thinking. It's the part that says 'I'm too fat' or 'I'm too old. Unfortunately for women, it's larger and more influential. The hormonal surges in the female brain—the rising tide of oestrogen and progesterone—make a woman more sensitive to emotional changes, such as disapproval or rejection. Therefore the way you interpret feedback from other people can depend on where you are in your cycle.

Life events frame how we feel and therefore our self-confidence and feelings of self-worth.

For example:

Conditional love as a kind of criticism

As a child once you are able to toddle and start finding your way around you start to explore and test all boundaries. Parents try to monitor this so that you do not end up hurting yourself, or others, the word ‘no’ is heard a lot.

From my own experience in Secondary School I took my Maths ‘O’ level (shows my age) a year earlier, I wasn’t the only, my entire group in that year did. I enjoyed Maths, but struggled with the teacher we had for this course, we just didn’t click. So I took my exam and got a ‘C’ grade, pretty good, I thought. My dad asked why I didn’t get an ‘A’. The next year we took the As level. I deliberately flunked and came out with a ‘U’. Both my teacher and my dad were disappointed. I knew exactly what had happened. They’d told me I wasn’t any good, so I proved it to them.

Setbacks in adult life

This can happen at any time. In these uncertain times all of us are to some extent finding life harder than it has been. But events such as bereavement, redundancy, change of job, moving house can have major knock-on effects to your life and self-esteem.

Abusive relationships

It really goes without saying that a physically or emotionally abusive relationship is going to compromise one’s self-esteem and ability to cope. This also has the added attachment to the perpetrator. This opens up a whole ream of psychological issues and can be difficult to resolve.

You can also come out the other side and gain self-confidence, claw back your self-esteem and feel worthwhile.