4 Essential How To Do's On A Bank Holiday
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4 Essential How to Do\'s on A Bank Holiday

Being brought up in the Economy World, as apposed to the first World, people sufficiently qualified to alleviate your stress due to something being broke are just not available, anytime, not just not on a bank holiday, anytime, so necessity becomes the mother of invention.

So some simple solutions to four of life's minor catastrophes..

1) A blocked toilet: You can look up many ways of doing this, each one being more disgusting than the last or at the very least going to cause permanent damage to your snot box should you breath in at the wrong moment. If it's blocked and doesn't need dynamite to ship the blockage simply get a large bucket of water and pour it swiftly into the toilet bowl from as great a height as you can possibly manage!

There is a sound theory to this and comes from the days when we were required to pull the chain in order to dispose of the evidence. It was actually a chain you had to pull and dangled there because the cistern was bolted to the wall way out of reach, however due to gravity the water hit the bowl at some considerable speed and always sorted the problem!

2) Getting rid of fleas: Again there are many first World methods of doing this but also unavailable on a bank holiday unless you want to spread toxic waste all over your house getting rid of them chemically yourself.

Simply get a dog. Chances are if you have fleas you already have a flea taxi. Fleas love dogs so get rid of them (fleas not the dog) by washing your dog and getting it a flea collar. There are flea shampoo's out there that don't contain toxic chemicals.. choose carefully.

3) Jump Starting your vehicle: A dying art theses day, gone is the time when a battery expired the day after its warranty ran out, in fact gone are the days when you could easily find your battery! That's quite serious that, I recently had a car who's battery refused to be found, I even Googled it to no avail and eventually sold the car because of that!

But assuming you have a battery and a car that needs a little tender love and care occasionally it is very simple and in the days before AA probably unnecessary advice.

So find your battery, find a willing friend with a car and findable battery and get it close enough to your car to use your jump cables which you conveniently have in your boot. This is the only part that requires concentration.. connect the black cable to your batteries negative (-) terminal and to your mates (-) terminal.. its usually smaller than the + or positive.

Then connect the remaining cable which should be red to the positive (+) terminals.

If it sparks you have done something wrong or left something on.. turn everything off and stop doing it wrong. They wont tell you this if you look it up, but if your car is not starting because of not enough battery power start your friend car and let his car charge your battery for a few minutes. Buy him a beer afterwards!

When you car starts go for a drive, if when you come back and it doesn't start leave it until the holiday is over and move on to the last suggestion.

4) How to make a Martini Cocktail: You've fixed the toilet got rid of your fleas, your car wont start so you need a Martini. It's again very simple and has many options. They all involve gin!

The classic one. Take 2 & 1/2 ounces of gin 1/2 an ounce of dry vermouth 3 olives and put it all in a glass with a whole heap on ice shake or stir, strain into a chilled glass add a bit of garnish and enjoy the rest of the bank holiday!


Street Talk

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