This Article is About
eye sight
saying things
Where Are My Glasses? (or Ships? What Ships?)
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Where Are My Glasses? (or Ships? What Ships?)

I’m sitting here, typing away at this article and listening to a live concert by Norah Jones on French Radio which is nice. Isn’t she lovely?

Anyway I digress; this piece is all about the fact that no matter how long I’ve been forced to wear the confounded things I’ll never get used to my glasses.

I should, before continuing, say that I suppose I’m lucky in that it wasn’t a necessity until rather late in my life therefore not being subject to the, say, intimidating tactics of school bullies in the “Hey four eyes, where the hell d’ya think you’re going!” and that old favourite: “What do you call a short-sighted dinosaur?”* etc.

(In fact, let me state here, for the record that I was rarely “bully-bait” at school but that’s another story J) Is that an emoticon to my left? Acually no, it's a"J" now, whoever "J" is.

The fuzziness, I’m referring to my eye-sight rather than my state of mind, began in around 1996; I had a few musical friends, who’d come to stay at my house in Cornwall and Trevor, who was the main man of the band had asked me to knock up some humorous likenesses of the various members of his group for publicity purposes.

Sure, I thought, no problem.

Problem: I couldn’t quite see the point of focus in the centre of my vision.

(I notice, by the way, that my Norah concert seems to have developed hic-cups, must be my internet connection. Oh well…)

So there it was: a blurred spot right in the middle of my field of vision.

I decided to seek medical advice and subject myself to an eye test with romantic imaginings of sporting a monacle, Bertie Whooster fashion, so I could go around saying things like: “I say chaps, what ho!”, “Anyone for tennis?”, “Toodle-pip!” and so on.

Of course I was under a misapprehension wasn’t I.

I had to accept the fact that I had to wear glasses if I was to continue my life being able to see details that previously I’d always taken for granted. My 20/20 vision was no more.

Anyway, as this very pleasant concert is drawing to a close, I feel the need to draw this article to a similar close by leaving you, dear reader, with a song that I composed, although not as yet committed to tape or digital ones and noughts, whatever, in a moment of frustration but not without some humour (feel free to do a version of it if you want but make sure you count me in on any royalties received, I need the money!):

Fickle bi-focals (A country song in ¾ time)

Now, once in a while, I’m wearing a smile,

‘Cos everything’s fine with the world,

But it won’t be long, till something goes wrong,

With that part of my fickle bi-focals.

When the arm has come free, and there’s feck all to see,

Of the tiniest screw in the world,

It’s a nightmare, you see, (or not as with me)

When I can’t fix my fickle bi-focals.

(Mid 8)

The world looks absurd, when everything’s blurred,

It’s all fuzzy from my point of view,

Oh, where has that screw gone? Please hand me a

Glue-gun, this sure ain’t my idea of fun....

(Verse): I’m losing the fight with the loss of my sight and

Seeing’s not believing at all.

Can’t see to repair that bit of the pair of my

Fecking-well fickle bi-focals.

I’m flipping my lid over things that are hid,

And nothing’s no-where to be seen.

I’ve got other pairs, but they’re all used for spares,

For fixing my fickle bi-focals.

(Mid 8)

My hands are all shaking, with this undertaking,

I think something’s dropped on the floor…

Can’t take any more now, I’m off out that door, how

The pub..is..waiting… (acapella) (Pause)

(Instrumental-as intro)

(Mid 8)

(V.): It’s taking so long now, to write out this song, how can

I see what’s teasing my eyes.

I think it’s a curse on me, what’s even worse is me (my),

Mem-or-y’s-failing…(acapella)

(Chorus: sung with venom)

Well I’m fed, fed, fed up to here,

Wherever here happens to be, (Twiddle-ee-dee)

I’m sick, sick, fecking-well sick,

I’m sick of my fickle bi-focals. (Repeat ad infinitum)

And thanks to Norah Jones (I’d forgotten that she is the daughter of Ravi Shankar) for some very good songs.

*Answer: Do you think he saurus? (I assume you were paying attention).


Street Talk

desi  

my eyes are really messes up. 20 400 is my vision so everything is a blur when i dont have them. when i went to school one year in 6th grade i kept getting in trouble by my teachers just cuz i couldnt see no matter how close i was

Reply
  about 4 years ago

As I moved the couch across the room so I could make out the people on the TV, I finally decided I needed glasses. You are a gifted writer in many ways Kim.

Reply
  about 5 years ago

Thanks for the compliment Shawn As I've said to Rob, I'm tempted to put my book up for a read in the hopes it will give me the incentive to finish it!

Reply
  about 5 years ago

I am touched

Reply
  about 5 years ago

Doesn't anyone else wear contacts??

Reply
  about 5 years ago

Kim, this is way beyond my country mind but I sure did enjoy it. Thanks for making me smile.

Reply
  about 5 years ago

Damn if that's your song writing what you doing here? I loved the article and as for the song brilliant, (applause, standing ovation, screams of more more more.)

Reply
  about 5 years ago

Heh! What indeed Rob. I've chipped away at the music business for some years and then decided that perhaps it's not my future. But I'll keep you posted, rest assured! Thanks.

Reply
  about 5 years ago
AnnMarie  

That was FUN! As a wearer of spectacles for most of my life I can totally relate...get that song on YouTube (once it's copyrighted)

Reply
  about 5 years ago

Hi AnneMarie, how on earth do you get a song on YouTube? I tried a while back and was totally baffled. I have one of my songs in digital format but was stymied each time so I gave up. Any ideas on this? Thanks :-)

Reply
  about 5 years ago
AnnMarie  

I'm pretty sure you'd have to make a video of yourself (or someone) singing it...and playing it (do you play an instrument?) then upload it to YouTube. I don't think you can just load audios. My nephew made a few of himself playing guitar and singing his originals on YT so I'd have to ask him beyond this. I'll catch you on FB after I talk to him to see if it's more complicated than that.

  
  about 5 years ago
Joan S  

Love Norah Jones. So nice to listen to her gentle, soulful, honest voice. She's unique. As for glasses, I wear them too. Have been wearing them since childhood, so now I think they are natural appendages. Eye doctor says as one gets older, myopia goes in the opposite direction, and your distant vision begins to improve. I must be getting old because that's happening now. I know glasses are a drag to wear, but I think they look cool. Good song Kim. See, your glasses even inspired you.

Reply
  about 5 years ago

That's true Joan, I try to turn a negative thing around when I can. There's an eye exercise which may or not be useful but I try to do it every day. I'll send it to you or if not, write about it here. Thanks for following me. x

Reply
  about 5 years ago

lol... what a song! I hope you make your millions with it!

Reply
  about 5 years ago

So do I !

Reply
  about 5 years ago

Kim, (giggle:) Thanks! Enjoyed your article. I've been wearing spectacles for a while so I suppose I should be used to them. Mostly I guess I am! blessings, Cynthia

Reply
  about 5 years ago

Hi Cynthia, the worst is when cooking and they get steamed up, which has the same effect on my mood!

Reply
  about 5 years ago

Whoops! Mine keep getting gunked...

  
  about 5 years ago
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