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Online Marketing Training For Suckers: What A Sock Puppet Can Teach You About Getting Started Without Getting Scammed
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Online Marketing Training For Suckers: What A Sock Puppet Can Teach You About Getting Started Without Getting Scammed

In the late '90s, there was a TV program called The Sifl And Olly Show. It was populated by sock puppets, and the subject matter bounced between infantile and psychotic. Needless to say, advertisers were hard for them to come by, but Sifl and Olly did have one: The Precious Roy Home Shopping Network.

Precious Roy was loyal to Sifl And Olly most likely because no one of sound mind would go anywhere near him. And with an inventory of products such as chicken-flavored air conditioning, laser-powered vegetable peelers, edible footwear, and cannibal cookbooks, Precious Roy wasn't that popular with those of unsound mind, either.

After Sifl and Olly would attempt to explain one of his products, Roy would come on camera and say something like "I like to sniff old stereo systems!" or "I just ate a handful of honey bees!" Sifl and Olly would have to remind Roy why he was there. Roy would then start to tell you to buy the product, but would end up screaming, "SUCKERS!"

At least Precious Roy was honest about his dishonesty. Whether it was due to guilt or being under the influence of something, he could never quite follow through with his scams. But while The Sifl And Olly Show didn't last until the Internet age, Precious Roy's spirit is definitely alive and well in the online marketing world.

For instance, the very names of some internet marketing training programs are so ludicrous, they could be Precious Roy creations. If they seem to be promising vast wealth for minimal effort right out of the box, such as "Automatic Turbo-Profits Wealth Generator" or "Six-Figures Per Week Poverty Slayer," that alone should raise your suspicions.

However, let's say that you decide to find out more, and you find yourself viewing a video, webinar, or sales page. The background music is dramatic, the visuals are slick, the headlines oversized, the sales figures exponential. But the vendor never quite describes exactly what he's selling, and seems to take forever getting to the point. If you start hearing a voice in the back of your mind yelling "SUCKERS!", listen well - it's the ghost of Precious Roy!

Maybe you decide to buy the program since they're offering it at a very low price with a refund guarantee. But then you find yourself on a sales page offering products that cost a lot more, and worse, are necessary to make your original purchase work properly. In this case, "SUCKERS!" should be written in one of their oversized headlines.

Is there reasonably-priced, sucker-free online marketing training out there? Certainly, if you're prepared to invest in self-motivation, organization and patience rather than dollars and cents. In fact, there's an Internet marketing course that will get you started for free. Look for training which stresses comprehensive, interactive coaching, and you'll never be haunted by the Precious Roy jingle: "Making lots of suckers out of girls and boys!"

Street Talk

Great angle!

  about 9 years ago

In retrospect, I don't know why Roy's laser-powered vegetable peelers didn't sell -- by the time you were done using it, your vegetables would be cooked!

  about 1 decade ago
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