This Article is About
long distance relationships
long distance relationship
relationship work
open relationship
jumping into conclusions
sugar coat
priorities in life
eye to eye
heartbreak
common ground
hard time
parameters
How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work In The Good Times And The Bad
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Long distance relationships are tough, believe me, I personally have experienced being in one. I was with the person for almost two years before we mutually decided that we were not for each other. We separated not because of the physical miles that were between us, but because our priorities, our dreams were too different from one another. We really did not have much of a common ground to make any kind of relationship work in the first place.

It was not a question of how to make long distance relationships work as much as it was a question of compatibility and commitment.

Commitment and compatibility are the two main ingredients (apart from love, of course) that will make a long distance relationship work. Before you commit to each other, you have to find out first whether the two of you see eye to eye on things.

Some questions that you need to ask:

  • Do you have the same plans and priorities in life?
  • Are your views and beliefs the same?
  • Are you both headed in the same direction?
  • Are you one hundred percent sure that both of you are fully committed to making this work?
  • Are you both mature enough to handle this kind of relationship?

If you answered no to any of these questions, you will have a hard time making it work. I will not try to sugar coat things, making long distance relationships work is tough, but they are achievable.

Assuming we have established that either both of you have genuine love for each other; or at least both of you see the potential of love because you are on the same page on most things.

First, the two of you must define your relationship.

  • Are you two getting serious or just flirting with each other?
  • Are you two exclusive or in an open relationship?

It is important to set these parameters because though this can be an embarrassing question to ask the other person, it will save you from jumping into conclusions and a possible heartbreak. Talk about your plans for the relationship, will either of you be open to moving if the relationship really gets serious? When do you plan to see each other and how often? It’s good to set goals so both of you know where you stand. A long distance relationship that is not geared to eventual seriousness most often do not work.

Once you have established your “status”, both of you should make an effort to keep in touch. In this day and age, that is not hard to do. We have text messaging, emails, social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, phone calls and even video calls (Skype) that will help you to be in contact with each other.

At least communicate once a day, since you are not physically together, it is very important that the emotional and intellectual connection is there. Really talking about things is important, not just flirting. It need not be very lengthy, but it has to be honest; just as long as both of you share your experiences with each other. They may be as petty as little irks or funny moments. There is only too many times that you can say “I miss you” and “I love you” until they lose meaning if they are not backed up with genuine emotional and intellectual bond.

Send each other love letters (or emails) and gifts (they need not be expensive). For long distance relationships, you need to double the quantity as well as quality of these little presents and romantic gestures since you do not see each other like most couples do. Go on dates and do things together like normal couples. Watch the same movie at the same time and call each other afterwards to talk about it.

And most importantly, make sure you both try your very best to visit each other as often as your time and budget permits. Again, set expectations because there is nothing worse than not having any idea at all on when you will see each other again. Because without these visits that one can look forward to, it may come to the point where you get used to the fact that he/she is not there and you cease to miss that person.

Making long distance relationships work is hard because you have to work harder on communication, but it can be done. It can also be very rewarding.

It is possible to make long distance relationships work just as long as both of you are committed to it.


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