Have you ever felt completely, hopelessly in love with someone, someone who does not reciprocate your feelings? You feel as if you can’t breathe unless you’re in their company, you sit waiting for a call or a text, anything just as long as its them. You get so wrapped up in loving them and getting them to love you back that you can’t eat, sleep or think of anything apart from them. If you do feel like this then uh-oh you could be a love addict!!!!!

A friend once told me that he was “addicted to love” and that he couldn’t put thoughts of his love interest out of his mind, love was making him sick. He knew deep down that this person would never love him back but his heart just could not let go of the idea that maybe this person would love him back, and one day they would be happy together and all would be right with the world.

He just could not see that this was not love, this was the fear of him being left on the shelf, this was his own personal neediness taking over his thoughts and feelings. His own personal neediness was making him think that this person that he had dated a few times was the one that he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. It left him feeling as if he was worthless, he was always thinking of ways to make this person fall in love with him. He was displaying all of the characteristics of Love addiction, which many people do not realise is a real addiction. It is as real as alcoholism, nicotine addiction and in severe cases drug addiction.

So we started talking about this addiction, which I admit I thought was a complete hoax and just a figment of his imagination, yeah I know I am a rubbish friend, but I just could not understand how this highly intelligent extremely successful guy, who never fails at anything could label himself with such a “ridiculous” label. This is a guy who prides himself in living completely out side of any box, and here he was telling me that he was a “love addict” I just couldn’t understand it. This was something that we where going to have to work through together, so we began firstly by identifying what he felt like when he spoke, or thought about this person, he told me that he was carrying an agonizing torch for someone who in essence was unavailable.

I knew that the only way that I could help my friend with his addiction was to help him understand who he was as a person. He didn’t seem to understand that he was a highly desirable guy, a guy with a good job, his own place, he was a catch. So we got to work on his self-esteem and his own self-image, we began by doing simple affirmation exercises were he would have to state daily things that he loved about himself, he had to understand that if he loved himself then someone else would. We would discuss things that he should be grateful for, and he really began to appreciate his great life. By going through these and many other exercises almost daily my friend began to realise that this weakness that he has is never going away but that he has to continually work on himself so that he can keep it under control.

A group called Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA) state that the first step in overcoming your love addiction is to admit that you are powerless over love, romance, fantasies, and that your life has now become unmanageable because of this addiction. This group follows a 12 step program which is similar to the one that Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) follow. Addicts are encouraged to talk about their feelings within the group and also talk about the person who seems to be the one in their life who they are hopelessly addicted to. They are encouraged to put themselves first at all times, because they are the most important person to themselves.

If you think, feel or know that you are a love addict then you need to understand that there is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling, you have to come to terms with these feelings so that you can work your way through them. Take your time to appreciate all the good in your life, understand that the emptiness that you are feeling can disappear as quickly as it appeared. And lastly you need to understand that love is something that when you find it, it is a pleasure, it doesn’t hurt or ignore you. Take your time with love and when you do eventually find real love, it will be so special that the person who is the object of your love addiction now, will be a distant memory. Finally understand that your love addiction is real and you can overcome it.