This Article is About
feelings
self respect
couple weeks
dignity
new friends
emotions
happiness
relationships
Love And Hatreddo You Feel The Same? Question Your Feelings
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Love And Hatreddo You Feel the Same? Question Your Feelings

Feelings…. Why do we have our feelings and emotions? What is the point? I am hurt but I have to go on with my life. I cannot just sit and cry… Though I want to so much… I keep reminding myself that I am not weak; I cannot let the feelings lead my life. If I do let my feelings out I will be useless. I want to call you and say sorry; I want you to know how much I love you. But I cant. It’s against my self-respect and dignity. Does my dignity worth more than our relationships? I know you love me, but there is something that does not allow us to be together.

What is it? Is it us? We cant be together because of ourselves. It doesn’t make sense… We create the barriers for our happiness to lead the life. I am better now though. I have more friends now. Five years of our relationships have banned me from being with friends and others. 1 month since we broke up has changed my life entirely. I have so many people to talk to at this point. Is it good? When we were together I did not need anyone and I was happy. After we broke up I do not need you anymore. What do the feelings do to us? I loved you and you loved me, we were happy. I am happy now without you. Am I? Do I enjoy my life without you? Do my new friends make my life any better? Was it better with you? Should I call you? I want to call you but should I? Why do you call me? Because you miss me? But why did you leave me if you love me?

Do you want to hurt yourself? Feelings…? You hurt yourself by leaving me and now you are calling me everyday so that to hurt yourself even more? Don’t you understand that I am hurt too? Why do I pick up my phone every time you call me? Because I love you? But it hurts hearing you voice and not being able to say “I love you”. So many questions and I cant feel anything…I do not want to feel anything…I got promoted within couple weeks after we broke up…

Why? I started to work harder? I suppress my feelings so and one way of doing so was to work even more…So now I am in charge of several employees at work. Managers respect me and noticed me out of so many options they have had. Pride? Should I be proud? I was promoted because I suppressed my feelings towards you. Was it our break up that led me to a promotion? Should I thank you? Or should I thank myself for keeping my feelings within and devoting my energy, anger and exhaustion to work? You told me you work much more now because you do not want to stay home alone. What is happening now?

What is the role of the feelings that we have towards each other? How to I explain my success at work and in social life? What is the trigger that I pulled and changed my life entirely? Or was it you? Or our feelings? I do not want to know the answer because it wont be true. Because there is not true answer. Because there is too much on my chest. I cant reveal my feelings to others. Why? Because of pride and self-respect. I cant cry because of the judging eyes around me every day. No matter how but people are going to have an opinion.

I want to control their opinion about my person. Why? Because of the my feelings…I do not want to be hurt by others…their judgment would not bring any good to my life. I don’t not want anyone to pity of me. I can do it myself. What do I want? Do I want to call you? Yes, I do….

Should I call you? No I should not….? Why??? The answer is feelings…I do not want to call you because I do not want to be hurt and I do not want to hurt you…Why do we need to have the feelings that we have…? Love and hatred…stand too close to each other…Feelings play the most important role in one’s life.


Street Talk

Yup Rob - So very true !

Reply
  about 1 decade ago
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