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loot
personal scenario
initial stages
third time
habit
boundaries
couples
conflict
relationship
hell
truth
Love And Loot: Why You Should Take A Second Look At Your Relationship
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Love And Loot: Why You Should Take A Second Look At Your Relationship

I guess its that time when I feel so passionate about a topic that I just have to write something about it. This article is mostly about money and love. I will discuss a personal scenario that will help answer questions such as where the boundary between money and love is, and why money is intricately tied to love...or is it the other way round? I don't expect you to reach an epiphany after reading this but it's sure as hell going to shed some light on love and loot. Well read on to find out how.

Most of you could probably think of a relationship that went sour because the subject of money became the most influential factor in determining how the couple communicates ( I know I've hit close to home for most of you).

Well recently someone whom I love oh so very much called me and told me that she (lets call her Miss. X) was planning on leaving her husband (Mr. Y) because he did not trust her with the money he had and in addition to that he never provides for their kids' basic needs. Well, that's her side of the story anyway. Their relationship has been on and off for a while and so it came as no surprise when she said that she was kicking him out. If she does succeed in doing that it would be the third time...third's the charm though, you never know, it might be for good this time.

Their relationship is a perfect example of the negative effect money has on love. But in fairness to their relationship, I do not think they were prepared to start a family when they did and so they are more gullible. An analysis of their relationship would show that every time they have had a conflict, it stems out of money or rather the lack of it. Truth is, most people do not know where or rather WHEN to set the boundaries when it comes to money. I believe that couples should establish a habit of being open about their finances and learn to develop a way of handling the issues that money raises from the initial stages of the relationship.

At the start of the relationship (using the six stages of relationship development), couples never bring up the issue of money as they would have just met. On the second stage, involvement, couples just pick up hints about the financial state of their partner. This may be through judging the kind of gifts he/she gets you or the restaurants he takes you to.

The third stage, intimacy, is where the road to deterioration for couples begins. Here, couples feel free to discuss anything. Oddly enough, most of them avoid one of the most crucial topics: the topic of how their finances will be handled. Failure to do so leads to the fourth stage which is deterioration which basically refers to the breakdown of communication and aggression because of problems brought about by money.

After deterioration, the relationship can go through reparation, which if unsuccessful leads to dissolution. Basically what am trying to say is that, examine the conflicts that arise in your marriage or relationship. Analyze the root cause of the problem. If it happens to be money, open the channels of communication on the issue with your partner.

Talk about finances openly. Try to show that person how money is creating a wedge between you two. If he or she understands and seeks to repair the relationship, he or she is worth being with. If not, you will be justified in dissolving your relationship and live with a clear conscience henceforth.

There should be NO boundary between love and money. They should not be two competing notions in any relationship. Instead, the wise person will use money to strengthen love and love to strengthen their finances. For example, Miss. X and Mr. Y should love one another enough to agree that they will use any and every amount of money they have to better provide for their children and themselves. Conversely, the mutual agreement on the use of the money should foster an even stronger love bond between the two.

Hope that this will help in making strong relationships out of couples. The world needs more love!!!!


Street Talk

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