Miss Madilynne
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She is only four, but wise beyond her years. I love that she is needy and clingy, cause its me she's clinging to, and of her love not enough can be given. Miss Madilynne has every reason in the world to cling for dear life to her loved ones. First, she has never known her daddy, who like her mother, was a drug addict. However, unlike her mom, her daddy killed himself right after she was born.

Miss Madilynne's mother appears in and out of her life with no rational regularity. When her addictions become unbearable off she'll go again, regardless of Miss M' s need for her mother. Then back she'll come, days, maybe weeks later.

Those kind of actions makes a grown woman crazy with worry. Imagine how it affects a one-year, two- year, three-year, four-year old little lady with a heart as big as the great outdoors. To her credit she tries to hide her sadness, her anxiety from me. She knows I worry too much about her and her mother. She carries burdens far too big for a four year old's shoulders.

In spite of her fears, I can hear her singing songs she makes up, sunrise to sunset, day in day out. Snuggling in bed with me at night, she pensively tells me, "Nonny, I really miss my momma." These are words she's wanted to share all day long, and even at the end of the day, when activities can't distract her, she is concerned that sharing her sadness will cause me pain. " It's ok Nonny, I love you and I'm trying to look on the bright side, like you told me.".

She is such a sweet, loving little soul. In bed at night she can only fall asleep if I wrap her up like a soft taco, hold her close while she sings us to sleep. At the present Miss Madilynne has me and her poppy (grandfather) as two more reasons to be anxious. She has seen and heard our fights for years and she was here the night the police took my husband to jail for hitting me. She has witnessed the hate and my incessant tears for way too long.

Miss MadiLynne is why I am fighting so hard to be healed from the depression and PTSD which is the result of 44years of abuse. She is one of the main reasons I won't let him come home. She does not need any more anxiety in her precious life. So until and unless he gets help with his abusive tactics she will see us both, but not together. My daughter's life might have been different had I called the police on him years ago. I'll never know that with certainty, but I feel that it is true.

Yes, she is smart and sweet and gorgeous. Perfect strangers come up to us every time we are out in public and tell us how beautiful she is. Usually several of them throughout the day. She has learned just to say thank you...she's almost bored with the compliments she has heard them so often. She is a bi-racial child (one-fourth black, three-fourths white). She will never need to lay in the sun. She has the most perfect tan year round!

It is my hope that you are as endeared with Miss Madilynne as I am. She is indeed the biggest blessing that my God has ever bestowed on me. When I asked her to help me think of something to write about, something I love, Miss Madilynne's response was "You love me. You can write about how I give you hugs and kisses and how we sing songs and dance. You could write about that.". She was once again correct. I could write about that. Her intuition is impeccable. Her love, gratitude, and happiness shines on her lovely face. My mother told me before she died last year, that Miss Madilynne's nickname should be "Happy" because in spite of everything she has been through ( or perhaps because of those things) she remains, a majority of the time, remarkably happy. I am so grateful for that!


Street Talk

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