This Article is About
married couples
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love affairs
feeling something
younger generation
simple answer
rest of my life
yesteryear
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Roses Red, Violets Blue, I'm In Love - How About You?
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Roses Red, Violets Blue, I\'m In Love  -  How About You?

The chanting of young love, the feeling of bewitchment, a time for engagement and weddings too. Love is in the air, plans being made, are these youngsters really ready for the future. What is love? As described in the dictionary, “an intense feeling of affection and care towards another person.

Is this what the younger generation feel, when entering into a serious relationship, culminating in a wedding? Is this what I felt 38 years ago? I can't remember, I know I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my wife, but was it love? We met and three weeks later, engaged, a further six weeks and the wedding was over. Today still together, I know it is love, but is this intense feeling something we felt 38 years ago?

So many school love affairs climax in marriage, and so many end in divorce, are the feelings of infatuation miss-read as love? The dictionary describes infatuation as “an unreasoning love or attraction”, what then is an “unreasoning love”? Simple answer “infatuation”, still none the wiser, yet the word bandied about when the younger generation married early, face divorce.

Can all married couples honestly say they were in love at the time? I wonder, “young love” might be misconstrued as infatuation, even convenience, the boys leaving a home from their mothers, looking for a replacement. The girls instinct for protection that the father always gave may also look for a replacement. All I know is that love takes work, it requires commitments from both parties, such that the changes required of each are a pleasure and not seen as a chore.

Hell, I was in love with a teacher when in junior school. She was a dream, I had a steady girlfriend when 14 that I convinced myself I loved. I would have married either at that stage, but what was it, not love, longing for dreams beyond reach? Maybe, the young feelings of yesteryear, are now beyond examination, too long ago to remember, indecipherable memories. The first time, (you all know what I'm talking about) brought feelings of love to the fore, love? No, no, this was a mental feeling never experienced before and interpreted as love. How many marriages today, based on these misguided feelings, survive the test of time?

I watch the young that have divorced after only a couple of years, entering into a marriage again almost immediately. The divorce possibly because of infidelity, the guilty party probably now convinced they are in love, it could be so, but then the first marriage was not for love. Couples who have been childhood sweet hearts from their early days of school, having known each other for 5 years or more, married and divorced within a year or two. Was it love? No, I do not think they have had enough experience of life, this was a marriage of convenience, they though it was love and now together in one house, crash went the dreams.

Falling out of love, an excuse used by old married couples, no way! Never in love in the first place, stayed together while life developed, and now the want for the times of past, too strong for the one party, or other. Can the times of the past be recaptured? Who knows, the mindset of some for recapturing youth, brain boggling, old men with young women, women with their toy boys. “Cougars” I believe they are now called.

I strongly believe that love takes a lot of work when young, and develops over years, too finally reach fruition years later. Infatuation and attraction is what we feel in the beginning, and love, the result.

Keep on loving, it is a wonderful feeling when you finally recognise it.


Street Talk

I think your summary says it all: "Infatuation and attraction is what we feel in the beginning, and love, the result". I look back and am horrified at how little my husband and I practically knew about each other. In the long run it didn't matter as we were both committed and have a huge respect for the bond of trust. We met and married quickly too. Many of these marriages seem to endure. A soul connection perhaps or just a healthy dose of 'like' that grows??

Reply
  about 8 years ago

Heather, something about that "first impressions are the true you", the changes that come with years is a settling in to the true feelings, in my wifes case, she got "what you see is what you get."

Reply
  about 8 years ago
AnnMarie  

Enjoyed the read, Rob. Got me thinking about those feelings I haven't felt in... I don't want to reveal how long :) While I remember feeling them...I don't remember, or can't bring up the intensity of what they actually felt like. I'm too old for the charm of it all. I always thought of what you refer to as infatuation as 'being in love' but not the true kind that can withstand time. I want to see what a relationship looks like in say 6 months to a year before I have a better idea that it's love and not infatuation. Infatuation is being in love with the romance of it all - best foot forward and all that. It does not last. Don't marry before you're sure!

Reply
  about 8 years ago

How true AnnMarie, the early years best foot forward trying your best etc, its only when that wears off that the true feelings come through.

Reply
  about 8 years ago
Stacydee  

Congratulations on the duration of your own marriage. Good article, one thing to mind is "Man-ther". That's what I heard the name for an older guy with a younger woman is. I'm only at 14 years married, and have nothing but awe and respect for those with decades behind them.

Reply
  about 8 years ago

Thanks Stacydee, If you've made it to 14 it won't be long and its 20 and as each year passes you check the marriage certificate for the expiry date, damn aint got one.

Reply
  about 8 years ago

Great article Rob. You are right, love grows over time. We have been married for 38 years also. There were time when it got rough, but we got though it. My wife is the only one I ever dated and we will grow together. Many more years I hope.

Reply
  about 8 years ago

Thanks Daniel, keep on keeping on.

Reply
  about 8 years ago
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