Do you have an indecisive spouse? Are you married to someone who is so agreeable that you wonder if there is anything to which they wouldn’t agree? Even more, you’re never absolutely convinced your spouse is really that easy to get along with so you always doubt his or her sincerity? You know who you are, because you catch yourself thinking, “Come on! I know you have an opinion, because as soon as I tell you what I want, you’re going to say it doesn’t sound good. So just tell me!” Yes, enjoying your indecisive spouse can be one of the greatest challenges of your marriage—especially on date night when a simple dinner dialog can sound like this:

“Hey babe. Want to go out for dinner?”

“Sure.”

“Where you want to go?”

“I don’t care.”

“Neither do I.”

“You pick.”

“I don’t care! Just pick!”

The rest is history. Back and forth, back and forth until you’re both angry, not talking; or one of you ends up picking a restaurant while thinking “Serves you right! You don’t want to eat where I’m going then go hungry! I don’t give a flipping rip!”

Because both my spouse and I can be fairly indecisive, over the years, we have discovered some tools that have helped us in our marriage. Here are a few ways my wife and I have learned to maneuver the indecisiveness of outings, and still manage to have a very enjoyable time:

1. Choose A Default. In the case of eating out, I chose a default restaurant. When I ask my spouse for a restaurant suggestion, if I don’t get a response and I truly don’t care either, she always knows where we are going. I happen to like Carlos O’Kelly’s quite a bit, so that is my default. I’ve discovered that if she doesn’t want Carlos O’Kelly’s, she makes a suggestion.
2. Play Even Elimination. Throw out four different locations and let your spouse pick the first one that doesn’t sound good. You eliminate the second one. If you start with an even number of choices, your spouse will always have to pick between the final two. Start with an odd number, and you'll get to pick so choose your starting number wisely.
3. Work Backwards. This is a little different than the Even Elimination option. Start by saying, “I don’t care where we go, but if I could pick, burgers just don’t sound appealing.” I’ve found that my wife will respond with what doesn’t sound good to her, and I can use this process back and forth to narrow down a final food style or nationality. After that, I can suggest a restaurant in that genre and it almost always works.

By adding these three ideas to your marriage toolbox and proactively employing them before rage sets in, you will find, as I have, the treasure of a fun outing with your spouse that doesn’t begin with angry words and frustrated emotions. Who knows, you might even end up talking.

Have fun and happy loving!